Unlock Playing With Fire: Second Most Popular Sexual Fantasy Brought to Life
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
How does wax play sound to you? It probably elicits a whole array of different emotions – fear, shock, curiosity, excitement…
If thinking about wax play gets you going, maybe it’s time to introduce some heat into your bedroom?
Here at Arya, we’re always ready to turn up the heat. And that’s why we created our signature temperature and wax play Scene called Playing With Fire.
Curious to find out if temperature and wax play is for you? Read on.
Arya’s Guide to Temperature and Wax Play for Beginners
First, let’s get the terminology out of the way:
What Is Temperature Play?
Temperature play is a form of sensation and BDSM play that focuses on exploring the sensations of hot and cold all over your body. The purpose of such play is to elicit new and exciting sensations, and of course, bring novelty into the bedroom.
There are many different ways to explore temperature play:
Low-temperature candles (we’ll talk about that more in-depth in a second)
Warming massage oils
Warming/cooling personal lubricants
Ice cubes
Massage oil candles
Fire play (we’re talking actual fire sources, ex: a lighter to stroke the skin)
Cooling/warming sex toys
What Is Wax Play?
Now, wax play is a form of temperature play that involves pouring hot wax on your or your partner’s body during the intimate time. If this is the first time you’re hearing about wax play, it might sound like an intense practice, but it’s much less scary than it sounds!
In most cases, pouring candle wax on your skin is safe, unless you have super sensitive skin or allergies (so always do a test run!). The only thing you have to worry about during wax play is trying not to set your house on fire…
Why Arya Decided To Dip Our Toes Into Temperature and Wax Play
The answer to this question is simple – because as part of BDSM play, it’s the second most popular sexual fantasy Americans have, according to social psychologist and sex researcher Justin Lehmiller.
“Wax play can be an exciting exploration into BDSM and power exchange dynamics, as the sensation can create intense physical and emotional experiences,” explains sex, love, and erotic empowerment coach and Arya Expert Lorrae Bradbury.
Wax play allows you and your partner to dabble in two distinct BDSM dynamics:
Powerplay: you and your partner each take on the role of the Dominant (the one who pours the candle wax) and the Submissive (the one who receives the pouring). Submitting to your partner or taking control in the bedroom can be very sexy.
Masochism/sadism: you and your partner both get into the roles of the Masochist (the one who finds pleasure in receiving pain) and the Sadist (the one who finds pleasure in inflicting pain). Some people love pleasure/pain play, and wax play is a great introduction.
Also, playing around with temperature and wax play is one of the many ways to bring novelty into the bedroom and spice things up. It gives you an opportunity to get closer to your partner and do something fun and exciting together.
“Temperature play can be an incredibly erotic and thrilling way to explore new sensations and foster trust and intimacy through open communication and playful experimentation,” says Bradbury.
How To Explore Temperature Play at Home
If you’re curious to try temperature play with your partner, it’s pretty easy! You don’t even need to buy special tools or toys to get started.
Here are a few tips from Arya on where to start with temperature play:
Ice, ice, baby: the easiest way to incorporate temperature play at home is by taking advantage of ice cubes you probably already have in your freezer. Pop one in your mouth (like Christian Gray did in Fifty Shades of Grey) and go down on your partner, or simply hold it between your fingers and explore your partner’s body with the cooling touch.
Warming/cooling personal lubricants: another easy way to introduce temperature play is to use warming or cooling personal lubricants during sex (like this one and this one!).
Warming/cooling sex gels: clitoral gels (like this and this) can be another way to introduce some temp play. They’re designed to be applied externally to sensitive areas like the clitoris, head of the penis, and nipples to either give a warming tingly feeling or a cooling sensation. Arya tip: Oral action amplifies the sensations *wink*!
Warming massage oils: give your partner an unforgettable erotic massage using a warming massage oil (like this one!). Your partner will definitely be happy to be pampered AND pleasured at the same time.
Massage oil candles: if you’re feeling a little bit more daring, you can swap the warming massage oil with something a little more erotic – a massage oil candle (like this one!). It works similarly to massage oil, but it elevates the experience to the next level – your partner will be squirming while they wait for the wax to melt and then drip directly onto their skin.
Warming sex toys: you can find a wide range of sex toys on the market (like this one!) that have the heating technology to explore how stimulation of erogenous zones feel when vibes and warming effect are mixed together.
Cool your toys: if you have glass or steel toys, then pop them in the fridge or a freezer for a few minutes to cool them down before using them. Be careful not to keep them in the cold for too long so they won’t burn your sensitive skin!
How To Explore Wax Play at Home
Now, if you want to explore wax play at home, there will be much more preparation needed in advance! You’ll want to keep in mind a few things:
Preparation: wax play will get messy, no matter what! So, you want to prepare your space. “Start by putting a towel or blanket that you can get wax on in your play area so you don't have to worry about the mess,” recommends Arya’s In-House Expert and sex educator Niki Davis-Fainbloom. Also, make sure you have a candle holder or a bowl next to you so you can easily place the candle there when it’s not in use.
The right candle: don’t just grab any candle you find laying around your home for wax play! You want to buy a low-temperature candle that was designed for body play. Also, colors matter – the darker the candle, the higher temperature it burns, so if you’re a beginner start with lighter color wax.
Consider shaving: if the area on your partner’s body where you intend to play has body hair, it’s best to shave it to avoid any accidents or unnecessary pain. “Wax and body hair don’t go together very well,” says Arya’s In-House Expert and sex educator Jess Wilde.
Get familiar with the wax yourself: before you pour the wax on your partner, play around with yourself to get a better feel of how wax feels on your skin and the best ways to pour it.
The pouring: there is no need for fancy wax pouring techniques, but you have to know some basics. “The more space there is between your body and where the wax is poured, the lower the sensation so start by pouring it from really high up,” Davis-Fainbloom explains.
Start slow: as with most things you try for the first time, start slow! “You can start by pouring [wax] on less sensitive areas to get comfortable, like your back before potentially moving to more sensitive areas like the stomach or breasts,” Davis-Fainbloom explains.
Communicate, communicate, communicate: always discuss the activities before you get started with your partner. “If you're feeling hesitant or nervous about trying wax or temperature play, communicate with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Consent and communication are so important, and your feelings absolutely matter in any sexual activity,” explains Bradbury.
Let Arya Guide You – Playing With Fire
If trying something new like temperature or wax play sounds intimidating and you’re unsure about where to start, let Arya guide you through it!
Our team of experts has designed Playing With Fire, a Scene entirely dedicated to the exploration of temperature and wax play, even for beginners. Here’s what you can expect from this Scene:
Inspiration: how does a selection of curated fantasy stories (of all spice levels to fit many different tastes) sound like? Use these fantasy stories to get inspired for your playtime with your partner.
Products: we hand-selected a selection of premium products that will allow you and your partner to explore temperature and wax play right in the comfort of your home.
Guidance: no need to wonder where you should pour the wax, how to pour it, or what to do next – we got you covered! You’ll receive extensive guidance on how to create an unforgettable experience with your partner.
Playing With Fire is your introduction to the world of sensation and BDSM play. Are you ready to unlock new experiences? Sign up for Arya today and start your journey.
Ready to turn up the heat?
Sign up for Arya and unlock the world of temperature play!
About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
