How to Edge Yourself or Your Partner for Maximum Pleasure
Are you one of the couples who are curious to find new ways to spice up the bedroom and want to learn how to edge?
Well, then today is your lucky day!
Edging is probably one of the very few sexual techniques that are just as good (if not better) when done solo and with a partner.
There is a reason why many people absolutely love edging. And chances are that after you read this blog post, you’ll be enticed to try edging with your partner as well.
What Is Edging?
If you’re not familiar with the sex vocabulary, then you might be wondering what is edging? Well, in short, edging is a sexual practice of delaying your or your partner’s orgasm intentionally.
While it might sound counterintuitive to delay an orgasm (because why would you want to delay something that feels absolutely phenomenal?!), it’s often done in pursuit of better, more intense pleasure.
The International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) explains the sexual edging pattern that people most often follow when engaging in the practice, which is broken down into three steps:
Step 1: You or your partner receives sexual stimulation until you’re about to orgasm
Step 2: You or your partner seize the sexual stimulation completely (or keep it at a very minimum) until the intense wave of the orgasm passes
Step 3: You or your partner, once again, continue the sexual orgasm until you reach the “edge” once more
You can repeat this routine for as little or as long as you and your partner desire. As long as it’s fun and pleasurable, you can have an edging session that lasts hours.
How To Edge Yourself: 7 Solo Edging Techniques
Ready to learn how to edge?
Davis-Fairbloom recommends exploring edging on your own before attempting it with a partner. Alone, you’ll be able to better understand what’s happening in your body as you get aroused and get close to an orgasm.
Knowing how being on the very edge feels on your own will make things easier when you’re with a partner. “It’s something that will be very hard to communicate to someone else before you know that in your own body,” sex educator Niki Davis-Fainbloom explains.
For vulvas and penises, the process will look different. Let’s break it down by anatomy first.
Edging Techniques For Penises
Ballooning: Find a spot on the penis that feels the most sensitive and focus stimulation in that area. Rub it in circles with your finger until you’re on the edge, then stop the stimulation and let the penis go soft before you continue the same stimulation.
Squeeze Method: When you feel like you’re about to climax, stop the stimulation and use your fingers to squeeze the head of the penis for 30 seconds before continuing the stimulation again.
Rhythm Play: Switch up the pressure, pace, and grip to keep your body guessing and make controlling your arousal easier.
Edging Techniques for Vulvas
Ballooning for Vulvas: You can take the same technique and apply it to the vulva and other body parts. For example, stimulating the clitoris (obviously…), G-spot only, or even nipples to see if you can bring yourself to the edge with that sort of stimulation alone.
Switch It Up: Another edging technique is alternating between different types of stimulation each time you bring yourself to the edge. For example, the first time you might try fingers on the clitoris, the second time, fingers on the G-spot, the third time, a vibrator, etc.
Layered Stimulation: Tease with your fingers or a toy over panties. Then, slowly remove the layers each time you get closer to the edge.
Flutter Touch: Use light, teasing, gentle strokes or taps over the clit that build the tension without ovewhelming sensation.
How To Edge Your Partner: 7 Partnered Edging Techniques
When you’re ready to explore edging with your partner, you can easily use the same techniques you used solo on each other. They’re versatile to work for both partnered and solo play.
But if you want to enhance your partnered edging experience, keep these things in mind:
Before You Edge, Talk About It (and Keep Talking During)
Edging blurs the boundaries between intense pleasure and frustrating denial. So, before you dive in, set the stage with clear, open communication.
Figure out a way to communicate with your partner when you’re on the edge. It could be simply saying “I’m on the edge” or using a number system so you can give your partner a number from 1 to 5 on how close you are.
Remember—edging isn’t a one-time conversation. Stay connected through the whole experience. Whisper encouragement, ask how your partner’s doing, and tune into their body language.
The more in-tune with each other you are, the hotter it gets.
Extend Foreplay Until It Becomes the Main Event
If edging has one golden rule, it’s this: don’t rush.
Use every sensual tool in your box—featherlight kisses, teasing eye contact, slow undressing, temperature play, massage oil, and mutual oral.
The goal is to build arousal gradually and repeatedly, keeping them on the brink without giving them release.
This kind of extended foreplay isn’t just foreplay anymore—it is the play.
Explore Erogenous Zones
Edging is all about stimulation that almost satisfies. That’s why starting with full-body touch works beautifully.
Tease the back of their knees, inner arms, hips, neck, ears, chest, lower stomach—anywhere that gets their breath hitching.
Light caresses, warm breath, or slow licks can drive them wild without even going near their genitals.
When you finally get there? It'll feel ten times more intense.
Try Mutual Masturbation
Few things are as intimate as watching your partner bring themselves to the edge—especially when you’re the one telling them when to stop.
Let your partner watch you as you edge yourself so they can get to know your body and the way you like to be touched. And then switch, and you watch them do the same.
Or, lie next to each other and take turns edging yourselves while the other watches. Then switch—but no one finishes until permission is given.
Introduce Powerplay and Let One of You Take Control
Edging gets even hotter when one person takes the reins. If you enjoy surrendering or taking control of your partner’s pleasure, consider playing around with orgasm control where you’re not allowed to climax unless your partner allows you to.
Whether it’s soft dominance (“I want to see you squirm… but not finish yet”) or full D/s dynamic, powerplay adds another layer of erotic tension.
Make sure to pre-establish rules, limits, and a safe word. Power without consent isn’t sexy. Power with enthusiastic consent? Explosive.
Step into your Dominant side with these simple commands:
“Hands off. I didn’t say you could finish.”
“Beg for it.”
“Only touch yourself when I say.”
Bring in a Sex Toy (or Three)
Sometimes, all it takes is the right tool to push your partner right to the edge… and hold them there.
For vulvas: Use a bullet vibe for pinpoint clit teasing, or a wand massager for broader stimulation.
For penises: Try a stroker, vibrating ring, or prostate massager to build pressure slowly.
Alternate between toy and hand, slow and fast, light and firm—always watching their body and pulling back just in time. The mix of sensations creates an overwhelming build-up that’s impossible to resist.
Not sure which sex toy is the best? Check out our best sex toys for women guide.
Take It Outside the Bedroom
Obviously, edging for hours on end might not be for everyone’s taste. And some might not even have that amount of time to spare with kids and household chores waiting…
However, if you want to play around with edging for an extended period of time, one of the best ways to do it is by taking it outside your home. “Some couples, they both get to the edge and then go for dinner. And they’re so aroused and can’t wait to get back home after to finish what they started,” explains Davis-Fainbloom.
Whisper dirty details in their ear during a dinner date. Send voice notes that describe exactly what you won’t let them do until later. Touch them under the table, then pull away with a smirk.
What better way to spice up the next date night out in town with your partner?
4 Benefits of Edging (Solo or With a Partner)
There are many reasons why you might want to try edging. The four most popular are:
Edging Helps Last Longer In Bed
One of the things that people with penises are often curious about is how to edge to last longer in bed. This curiosity is 100% valid, knowing that there is a gap in genders when it comes to how fast they can orgasm—men on average take 5 minutes to climax, while women tend to average 14 minutes to reach an orgasm during partnered sex.
One of the benefits of edging according to some studies is that the practice can improve sexual stamina for people with penises. It’s also one of the ways to manage premature ejaculation. “Edging is a way for people with penises to be more in control of their erection,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Edging Might Help Reach an Orgasm
The benefits of edging don’t only extend to penises exclusively. Just as people with penises struggle with orgasm control, people with vulvas experience similar issues, just slightly differently—they often struggle to orgasm. “People with vulvas get hyper-focused on trying to orgasm, and that makes it less likely to happen,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Sexual edging can be beneficial for people with vulvas who struggle with overthinking their orgasm, because it takes off the pressure to have an orgasm, and instead invites you and your partner to focus on the experience. “It’s more like ‘let’s just feed into the pleasure our body is experiencing,’” Davis-Fainbloom explains.
It Helps Get To Know Your Body Better
Overall, sexual edging is a practice that allows you to learn to be more in tune with your body and to have more control over your body and your orgasm. “Edging can be a great way to help people feel more in control of their genitals, which can help when they’re having partnered sex to maintain that control and to come when they want to come,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Great Way To Bring Novelty In Your Bedroom
And of course, Arya wanted to dip our toes into edging because of a very simple yet often forgotten reason—making sex fun, new, and exciting. “When we think about sex, we think of it as a step-by-step process. That’s often how we’re taught about it,” Davis-Fainbloom explains.
Now, edging is the prime example of breaking down those linear sex beliefs and venturing outside your comfort zone to try something a little bit different to spice up the bedroom. “It’s like ‘hey, what if instead of going for an orgasm, we find a way to prolong this moment of excitement for as long as we can?’” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Is Edging Bad?
Just like with pretty much everything sex-related, there is plenty of stigma and myths surrounding sexual edging. You might find articles on the harmful effects of edging and people concerned that it’s bad for their health.
We’re here to bust those myths and tell you that edging is absolutely 100% normal and healthy! As long as you and your partner are into it, you’re having fun, and it feels pleasurable, there are no harmful side effects of edging. Unless you consider mind-blowing orgasms to be harmful…
What Is Ruined Orgasm?
There is one caveat with edging, though! “It’s possible that if you edge too much, sometimes the release doesn’t feel as good. They call it ruined orgasms,” explains Davis-Fainbloom.
But don’t worry, ruined orgasms are not that common. “But that [ruined orgasms] doesn’t happen that often, and if it does, it probably won’t happen the next time,” Davis-Fainbloom says.
If you experience a ruined orgasm during your edging session, don’t worry! Take a break from stimulation for a while, and then return to it once your intimate areas are not overstimulated anymore.
Edging vs. Orgasm Denial: What’s the Difference?
If you’re familiar with the BDSM community and its practices, then you might be curious to find out whether sexual edging is the same as orgasm denial; that's a fairly common practice in BDSM. The answer is—not necessarily.
Orgasm denial is always about power dynamics and one partner being in control of the other’s orgasm. Sexual edging can be that, but it can also be different. “Edging can involve [power dynamics], but it can also be where partners are on this journey getting to the edge, so the power dynamic is not necessarily a part of it,” explains Davis-Fainbloom.
Edging Troubleshooting: What to Do When Things Don’t Go As Planned
Even the hottest scenes don’t always go smoothly. Here’s what to do if edging doesn’t go as expected:
You Climaxed Too Early
No shame. It happens. Just reset and start again—or roll with it and cuddle after. There’s no failure here.
You Couldn’t Feel the Edge
You might need more warm-up time, more variety in stimulation, or to try again on a different day when you're more aroused or relaxed.
You Got Frustrated or Lost Interest
If edging becomes more stressful than sexy, pause. It’s meant to enhance pleasure, not pressure you into “performing.”
Too Intense? You Felt Overwhelmed
Slow things down. Reduce stimulation. Take breaks. You’re in control.
Your Partner Wasn’t Into It
Mutual pleasure is key. If your partner didn’t enjoy it, talk openly about what worked and what didn’t. You can always explore other techniques together.
Let Arya guide you with Crave & Edge
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Trying something new in the bedroom can be a daunting task, and Arya does all the work for you. The only thing you need to do is get your partner, relax, and enjoy an endless night of fun!
Arya’s Scenes Crave (edging for vulvas) & Edge (edging for penises) are designed by our team of experts to introduce couples to the sexual edging practice, no matter your experience level.
With these Scenes, you can expect:
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Guidance: We don’t leave you on the edge of your seat here – you’ll receive plenty of guidance, tips and tricks, and the best techniques to help you master the art of edging with your partner.
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About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
