Explore Edging With Arya: Introducing Delay & Obey

Playtime Tips

May 15

This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde

Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.

Are you one of the couples who are curious to find out what is edging and what’s it all about? Well, then today is your lucky day!

To celebrate National Masturbation Day and National Masturbation Month, we want to talk about one of the most popular masturbation practices. Edging is probably one of the very few sexual techniques that are just as good (if not better) when done solo and with a partner.

There is a reason why many people absolutely love edging. And chances are that after you read this blog post, you’ll be enticed to try edging with your partner as well.

Arya’s Guide to Sexual Edging: What Is Edging, Benefits, and How-To

What Is Edging?

If you’re not familiar with the sex vocabulary, then you might be wondering what does edging mean? Well, in short, edging is a sexual practice of delaying your or your partner’s orgasm intentionally.

While it might sound counterintuitive to delay an orgasm (because why would you want to delay something that feels absolutely phenomenal?!), it’s often done in pursuit of better, more intense pleasure.

The International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) explains the sexual edging pattern that people most often follow when engaging in the practice, which is broken down into three steps:

Step 1: you or your partner receive sexual stimulation until you’re about to orgasm
Step 2: you or your partner seize the sexual stimulation completely (or keep it at a very minimum) until the intense wave of the orgasm passes
Step 3: you or your partner once again continue the sexual orgasm until you reach the “edge” once more

You can repeat this routine for as little or as long as you and your partner desire. As long as it’s fun and pleasurable, you can have an edging session that lasts hours.

There is one caveat with edging though! “It’s possible that if you edge too much, sometimes the release doesn’t feel as good. They call it ruined orgasms,” explains Arya’s In-House Expert and sex educator Niki Davis-Fainbloom.

But don’t worry, ruined orgasms are not that common. “But that [ruined orgasms] doesn’t happen that often, and if it does, it probably won’t happen the next time,” Davis-Fainbloom says.

If you experience a ruined orgasm during your edging session, don’t worry! Take a break from stimulation for a while, and then return to it once your intimate areas are not overstimulated anymore.

Is Edging Bad?

Just like with pretty much everything sex-related, there is plenty of stigma and myths surrounding sexual edging. You might find articles on the harmful effects of edging and people concerned that it’s bad for their health.

We’re here to bust those myths and tell you that edging is absolutely 100% normal and healthy! As long as you and your partner are into it, you’re having fun and it feels pleasurable, there are no harmful side effects of edging. Unless you consider mind-blowing orgasms to be harmful…

Are Edging and Orgasm Denial the Same Thing?

If you’re familiar with the BDSM community and its practices, then you might be curious to find out whether sexual edging is the same as orgasm denial; that's a fairly common practice in BDSM. The answer is – not necessarily.

Orgasm denial is always about power dynamics and one partner being in control of their partner’s orgasm. Sexual edging can be that, but it can also be different. “Edging can involve [power dynamics] but it can also be where partners are on this journey getting to the edge, so the power dynamic is not necessarily a part of it,” explains Davis-Fainbloom.

Why Arya Chose To Explore Edging

One of the things that people with penises are often curious about is how to edge to last longer in bed. This curiosity is 100% valid knowing that there is a gap in genders when it comes to how fast they can orgasm – men on average take 5 minutes to climax, while women tend to average 14 minutes to reach an orgasm during partnered sex.

One of the benefits of edging according to some studies is that the practice can improve sexual stamina for people with penises. It’s also one of the ways to manage premature ejaculation. “Edging is a way for people with penises to be more in control of their erection,” says Davis-Fainbloom.

The benefits of edging don’t only extend to penises exclusively. Just as people with penises struggle with orgasm control, people with vulvas experience similar issues, just slightly differently – they often struggle to orgasm. “People with vulvas get hyper-focus on trying to orgasm and that makes it less likely to happen,” says Davis-Fainbloom.

Sexual edging can be beneficial for people with vulvas who struggle with overthinking their orgasm, because it takes off the pressure to have an orgasm, and instead invites you and your partner to focus on the experience. “It’s more like ‘let’s just feed into the pleasure our body is experiencing,’” Davis-Fainbloom explains.

Overall, sexual edging is a practice that allows you to learn to be more in tune with your body and to have more control over your body and your orgasm. “Edging can be a great way to help people feel more in control of their genitals, which can help when they’re having partnered sex to maintain that control and to come when they want to come,” says Davis-Fainbloom.

And of course, Arya wanted to dip our toes into edging because of a very simple yet often forgotten reason – making sex fun, new and exciting. “When we think about sex, we think of it as a step-by-step process. That’s often how we’re taught about it,” Davis-Fainbloom explains.

Now, edging is the prime example of breaking down those linear sex beliefs and venturing outside your comfort zone to try something a little bit different. “It’s like ‘hey, what if instead of going for an orgasm, we find a way to prolong this moment of excitement for as long as we can?’” says Davis-Fainbloom.

“And of course, Arya wanted to dip our toes into edging because of a very simple yet often forgotten reason – making sex fun, new and exciting.”

How To Explore Edging at Home

Now that you know all the reasons why edging is so great, let’s get to the real fun part – learning how to edge! You can do it solo or with a partner or go either way depending on your mood. Sexual edging is beautiful because of how many different ways you can do it.

How To Edge Yourself

Davis-Fairbloom recommends exploring edging by yourself before you attempt trying it with a partner. Alone, you’ll be able to better understand what’s happening in your body as you get aroused and get close to an orgasm.

Knowing how being on the very edge feels on your own will make things easier when you’re with a partner. “It’s something that will be very hard to communicate to someone else before you know that in your own body,” Davis-Fainbloom explains.

For people with penises, here are a few edging techniques to try:

Ballooning: find a spot on the penis that feels the most sensitive and focus stimulation in that area. Rub it in circles with your finger until you’re on the edge, then stop the stimulation and let the penis go soft before you continue the same stimulation.
Squeeze Method: when you feel like you’re about to climax, stop the stimulation and use your fingers to squeeze the head of the penis for 30 seconds before continuing the stimulation again.

For people with vulvas, try these edging techniques:

Ballooning For Vulvas: you can take the same technique and apply it to the vulva and other body parts. For example, stimulating the clitoris (obviously…), G-spot only, or even nipples to see if you can bring yourself to the edge with that sort of stimulation alone.
Switch It Up: another edging technique is alternating between different types of stimulation each time you bring yourself to the edge. For example, the first time you might try fingers on the clitoris, the second time, fingers on G-spot, the third time, a vibrator, etc.

How To Edge Your Partner

When you’re ready to explore edging with your partner, you can easily use the same techniques you used solo on each other. They’re versatile to work for both, partnered and solo play. If you want to enhance your partnered edging experience, keep these things in mind:

Partnered Masturbation: let your partner watch you as you edge yourself so they can get to know your body and the way you like to be touched. And then switch and you watch them do the same.
Communication: figure out a way to communicate with your partner when you’re on the edge. It could be simply saying “I’m on the edge” or using a number system so you can give your partner a number from 1 to 5 on how close you are.
Power Play: if you enjoy surrendering or taking control of your partner’s pleasure, consider playing around with orgasm control where you’re not allowed to climax unless your partner allows you to.

How To Edge for Hours

Obviously, edging for hours on end might not be for everyone’s taste. And some might not even have that amount of time to spare with kids and household chores waiting…

However, if you want to play around with edging for an extended period of time, one of the best ways to do it is by taking it outside your home. “Some couples, they both get to the edge and then go for dinner. And they’re so aroused and can’t wait to get back home after to finish what they started,” explains Davis-Fainbloom.

What better way to spice up the next date night out in town with your partner?

Let Arya Guide You: Delay & Obey

If you just learned what edging is and want to learn how to edge with your partner, let Arya guide you on this new and exciting journey. Trying something new in the bedroom can be a daunting task, and Arya does all the work for you. The only thing you need to do is get your partner, relax, and enjoy an endless night of fun!

Arya’s Scene Delay & Obey is designed by our team of experts to introduce couples to the sexual edging practice, no matter your experience level. With this Scene, you can expect:

Inspiration: you’ll receive a selection of curated erotic fantasy stories that all feature different ways to explore edging with your partner.
Products: our team has scoured the whole world for the best products to make your edging experience truly mind-blowing. And all are delivered in a discreet box right to your doorstep.
Guidance: we don’t leave you on the edge of your seat here – you’ll receive plenty of guidance, tips and tricks, and the best techniques to help you master the art of edging with your partner.

Are you ready to explore edging? Then sign up for Arya, set a date on a calendar, get ready for your box to arrive, and start playing!

Ready to dance on the edge of your pleasure?

About Arya

Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.

Karolina Wilde