How To Rekindle Love in a Long-Term Relationship
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
Most of us believe that Valentine's Day is the best time to be romantic and try to rekindle love in our romantic relationships. We dress up nicely, take our partners on romantic dates, and shower them with lavish gifts in an attempt to nourish the relationship in a short amount of time.
Now imagine how your relationship would look if you made an effort to try new things with your partner all year round, not only during Valentine’s Day. Research shows that couples who engage in exciting and novel activities report higher levels of relationship satisfaction compared to those who engage in pleasant but routine activities.
The key to a loving and passionate long-term relationship is novelty year-round, not only during special holidays. So, let’s talk about why trying new things together with your partner is so powerful and how to introduce novelty with ease.
How To Rekindle Love in a Relationship: Arya’s Guide to Everlasting Passion
Why Novelty Is Important in Romantic Relationships
There are a few reasons why the best way to rekindle love in long-term relationships is to try something new with a partner. “When individuals experience something new or engage in novel activities with their partner, the brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward,” explains Arya’s Expert, Niki Davis-Fainbloom.
When the dopamine is released, it strengthens the bond between the partners. All the excitement also counters the natural decline in sexual desire each partner experiences in long-term relationships. “This is because novel activities can replicate the emotional state of early relationship stages, fostering a sense of closeness and reducing the risk of relationship stagnation,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
However, the benefits of trying novel things with a partner are so much more than a brain chemistry trick. “The pursuit of novelty is about fostering an environment where both partners feel free to express their desires and curiosities,” says sexologist and Head of Relationship Research at Arya Nicholas Velotta.
When people think about how to bring more novelty into romantic relationships, they often only think about sexual experiences or opening up their relationships so they could have sex with new people. But rekindling love in long-term relationships expands beyond sex. “By continually introducing new experiences, whether they're sexual or not, you're saying to each other, 'I'm committed to growing with you,’” Velotta adds.
How to Rekindle Love by Making Novelty a Year-Round Thing: Tips From Arya Community
When Arya surveyed over 6,000 people in different-sex relationships for the State of Intimacy report, we found that the majority of people (25.3%) wanted to make sex more adventurous. Clearly, we are all looking for ways to spice it up in the bedroom, and novelty is definitely one way to bring it.
“Incorporating novelty into your relationship requires a conscious effort; it's about making the decision to prioritize discovery within your intimacy,” Velotta says. So, how do we do it–how do we find time in our busy lives to try new things with a partner? Well, we asked Arya’s Community Leaders to share their best tips on how they bring novelty to their relationships (and bedrooms) year-round.
Create a Safe Environment
Our State of Intimacy report revealed that a major obstacle to satisfying sexual exploration in couples was a lack of perceived safety between partners. To try new things and explore, we need to feel safe and supported by our partners. We need to feel like our partners will not judge us and will keep an open mind.
“She knows I’m her soft place to land emotionally. And I know she’s my soft place to land when it comes to exploring our physical relationship. Even when each other is less than comfortable,” shares Arya Community Leader Derek Wittman.
So, before you dive into exploring new, uncharted territory with your partner, focus on fostering safety in your relationship. Once you both feel safe with each other, the rest will flow easily.
Talk It Out!
It might be the most cliche advice, but hey–it works! The best way to make novelty a year-round thing is to communicate what you want to try and why with your partner. Remember–they can’t read your mind–you have to let them know what you want and need so they can give it to you!
“Quite literally, one night, we were lying together in aftercare snuggles, and I put it out there or something I’d been curious about for a while. <...> We’ve always been honest with each other about our likes and dislikes. But curiosity? Breaking into something NEW? This was a groundbreaking conversation,” shares Wittman.
“We are currently introducing a new sexual aspect into our relationship and the bedroom. We have discussed whether this new aspect is something we both want and discussed how to communicate when we want to do the activity or want the other to do it. We discussed it several times before attempting it the first time. Our initial few attempts did not go smoothly or work at all, but we discussed the experience, including possible adjustments, and tried again. Last time we engaged in the activity, it was AMAZING!!!” shares Arya Community Leader Josh Briley.
Yes/No/Maybe List
Sometimes, having an outright conversation with your partner about new things you want to try can be too intimidating. We get that, and if you feel this way, know that you’re not alone! If that’s something you are experiencing, the best way to overcome this obstacle is by introducing fun activities that allow you to communicate your desires in a pressure-free environment.
“We really enjoyed finding a detailed "Yes/No/Maybe" list and filling them out and comparing likes/dislikes. This was probably the easiest way to set up the conversation and make some of those fantasies become a reality. It helped open up our confidence to purchase some novelties to spice things up!” shares Arya Community Leader Patricia Lynn Taylor.
Want to be part of the Arya community of adventurous minds? Join Arya’s Private Facebook Community!
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About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
