Why You and Your Partner Should Try Mutual Masturbation
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
Is mutual masturbation part of your erotic routine, or do you keep self-pleasure to yourself?
When Arya surveyed over 6,000 people for our State of Intimacy report, we found that 55% of our couples indulge in mutual masturbation sessions. Another small study found that 48.3% of men and 53.8% of women masturbate with partners.
Clearly, masturbation isn’t just a solo practice–people love doing it together. Curious if it’s for you? Let’s talk about it!
What Is Mutual Masturbation?
Mutual masturbation is when you sexually stimulate yourself while your partner watches, or you both do it at the same time. You might keep the touching separate or be more involved and give each other a hand.
Why Masturbate Together if You Can Simply Have Sex?
You might be wondering: what’s the point when I can just have sex? First of all, mutual masturbation is sex, just like penetrative, anal, and oral sex. Expanding your definition of what sex looks like can significantly improve the quality of your erotic life. In fact, this study found that couples who engage in mutual masturbation sessions on a weekly basis scored higher on sexual satisfaction and self-esteem.
It’s no secret that the orgasm gap exists to this day, especially in heterosexual relationships – 95% of men usually climax during penetrative sex compared to 65% of women. There are many reasons why this is still a thing, but one is that most women need clitoral stimulation to climax. Penetration is not enough.
Mutual masturbation might help bridge this gap! Devoting time to pleasuring the clitoris takes away the pressure to engage in penetrative sex just because it’s considered “the norm.”
Also, the number one desire among Arya couples is to make sex more adventurous. For some, this might bring to mind roleplay or extreme kinks, but it’s much simpler than that for many couples. Adding mutual masturbation to your sexual routine can feel adventurous and expansive if it’s new for you and your partner.
Your Mutual Masturbation Guide
If you’re ready to explore but aren’t sure where to start, here’s a few tips to get started:
Talk it out: Check in with your partner beforehand. Make sure they’re on board and comfortable. You might say something like: “Do you want to see how I come when you’re not around?” or “Show me how you make yourself come.”
Observe: Instead of trying to lead or participate, simply lay down and enjoy the sight of your partner pleasuring themselves in front of you.
Try dirty talk: A sweet “you look so pretty when you touch yourself like that” or “your moans turn me on” can go a long way to help your partner feel more empowered.
The right position: Sit facing each other. Or sit between your partner’s legs, leaning against their chest while you touch yourself. This position is great if you’re feeling shy about eye contact and still gives your partner access to watch or help you out.
Dabble in power play: Take control of each other’s masturbation. This can be a very hot way to practice edging.
What if We Already Practice Mutual Masturbation?
Maybe mutual masturbation is already part of your regular erotic repertoire. Even if the act itself isn’t new, there are ways to make it more exciting the next time you masturbate together. How, you might ask? By introducing roleplay.
Taking on different roles during your mutual masturbation sessions adds variety and playfulness. How extensive your roleplay is entirely up to you – go all in with outfits, accessories, and even location, or simply use your imagination and a script.
Let Arya Guide You: Caught
Masturbation is still taboo for lots of people, which can make this exploration challenging, even if you have phenomenal sex with your partner.
That’s why our team of intimacy experts designed a Scene called Caught. It guides couples on a mutual masturbation journal with some soft roleplay elements.
No matter if you’re a beginner or you masturbate regularly with your partner, Caught will help you find a new way to experience mutual pleasure.
Here’s what to expect from Caught:
Inspiration: Curated fantasy stories to get you in the mood for playtime.
Objects of Desire: Premium products and accessories to elevate your mutual masturbation game.
Guidance: In-depth guidance, including tips and tricks for an unforgettable night.
Sounds fun? You’re only one click away from pleasurable exploration!
Ready to expand your erotic repertoire?
Sign up for Arya today.
About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some playtime. Introducing your new bestie, Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer to your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly-guided activities tailored to your deepest desires, and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
