Not Sure How To Introduce a Sex Toy to Partner Play? Here’s How To Do It
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
It's no secret that most sex toys for women are often seen as tools to enhance solo play, designed only to be used by vulva owners. This means a lot – and we mean a lot – of people believe sex toys aren't for male bodies or for couples.
In fact, a lot of dialogue around toys sounds pretty insulting: "You shouldn't need a toy if you know what you're doing." But the research is clear – sex toys are designed to enhance sexual satisfaction for all people.
So, if you've been thinking about introducing a sex toy to your partnered sex routine, we're here to help you make the process as smooth as possible.
What If My Partner Is Hesitant?
Let's say you are down with the idea of trying your favorite sex toys with your partner, but they are hesitant about the idea. It happens quite often. So, what can you do?
Start a Conversation
We suggest framing your adventure into sex toys as a team effort to expand your sexual repertoire. Open the lines of communication with your partner and ask why they have hesitations. Often you can alleviate their toy anxiety by assuring them that they're a fabulous lover with or without toys.
It can also help to give them factual information on sex toys if they're misinformed, explaining how this can enhance pleasure for both of you and strengthen your relationship. Helping your partner build comfort and familiarity with toys takes time, so go slow. This is a journey, not a race.
Explain the Why
Your partner might be wondering why anyone would want to use a sex toy with their partner when you already have hands, a mouth, and all the other parts that provide pleasure. Well, explain to your partner why you think adding a sex toy can be fun.
First things first: There's no shame in trying something new.
Exploration and a sense of adventure is an important part of keeping your relationship thriving and maintaining passion long-term. Introducing a sex toy into play with your partner can be a great way to add more excitement to your relationship while doing something new together to deepen your bond.
Plus, a sex toy can offer new sensations, new pleasurable techniques, and even ways to achieve an orgasm that you may have never thought possible before. Toys provide an opportunity to discover potential new angles, added stimulation, and the excitement of sharing a new experience with your partner.
Introduce Arya
Arya can be the middleman that helps bridge the communication gap you have with your partner about introducing sex toys into partnered play. Our team of experts designs each Scene with curious couples in mind and makes the introduction to new sexual experiences smooth and easy.
For example, one of our carefully curated Scenes, Steamy Seduction, is focused on introducing a vibrator to partnered play (and yes, you get a brand new shiny vibrator with the Scene). During that Scene, you and your partner receive all the guidance you might need to have the best experience together.
So, if you're unsure how to bring up the topic of using sex toys with your partner, let Arya do the heavy lifting for you. All you have to do is sign up.
5 Best Sex Toys for Women You Want To Try With Your Partner
So, now that you know how to entice your partner to try your favorite sex toy together, consider expanding your sex collection with new, exciting toys. Or, find inspiration on how you can use the best sex toys for women together with a partner.
Best Bullet Vibe: Maude Vibe
This 3-speed personal massager is perfect for external stimulation. It's designed from platinum-grade silicone that feels smooth and soft against the skin. And the shape of it makes it super easy to hold in your hand and against different parts of your body.
The vibe is powerful and rumbly, which means that you'll feel the vibrations deep. It's waterproof and rechargeable, so you can play with it for years to come. Truly, it's one of the best sex toys for women that can be used by couples for the first time because of its neutral design and powerful vibrations.
How To Use Maude Vibe With Your Partner
Maude's Vibe is versatile enough to be used in many ways. Turn on the vibe and hold it against sensitive areas of your body, like the neck, nipples, and genitals. And stop with the vulva and clitoris only! This personal massager is perfect to use on the scrotum and the very sensitive area behind, for external prostate stimulation.
You can take control and hold the vibe against your body or allow your partner to hold the vibe and be in control of your pleasure. Also, it's small enough to hold against the clitoris during penetrative sex if you need that extra stimulation to reach the big O.
Best Remote-Controlled Toy: We-Vibe Moxie
The next on our best sex toys for women list is We-Vibe Moxie remote-controlled panty vibrator. It's a toy that's perfect for adventurous couples who want to take their favorite sex toy on the go.
Moxie is small and discreet, designed to fit inside your panties without anyone noticing. It's made with body-safe silicone, is waterproof (so you can have fun in the bath, pool, or the ocean), and is whisper quiet, so nobody around will hear it working its magic on you.
How To Use We-Vibe Moxie With Your Partner
The best way to use We-Vibe Moxie with your partner is by giving your partner control over your pleasure. And you don't have to leave your house to do that – it can be fun and exciting to indulge in some orgasm control play while you're at home, going about your day.
The vibrator has an app that your partner can easily use to control the intensity and the pattern of the vibrations. Make it fun and unpredictable – ask your partner to control the vibrations without telling you, so you can always be on edge, waiting for the next wave of pleasure.
Best G-spot: Bloomi Indulge
G-spot vibrators deserve the spot on our best sex toys for women list because of how versatile they are. We recommend Bloomi's Indulge as your go-to G-spot massager for a few reasons.
First, it's made with medical-grade silicone, which is soft and glides perfectly over the skin. But what's best about it is that it's a dual-sided G-spot vibrator, with one vibrating and one non-vibrating side, so you and your partner can explore different stimulation intensities and feels.
The curved shape makes it easy to hold in hand and very easy to reach all the right pleasure spots. Also, don't limit yourself to only using it for G-spot stimulation. Bloomi's Indulge also doubles as a P-spot stimulation for prostate havers, so don't shy away and explore.
Arya tip: if you are alternating between vaginal and anal penetration during a single session, don't forget to clean the toy when switching between the two, or wear a condom to avoid the bacteria spread (vaginal microflora is extremely sensitive!).
How To Use Bloomi Indulge With Your Partner
One way to use the G-spot massager with your partner is to use the vibrating side over for clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex. The easiest sex positions for that are Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, and Doggy. You can easily hold the toy and control the intensity of stimulation.
Another way is to use the G-spot massager on yourself and let your partner watch. Partnered masturbation can be a HUGE turn-on, and Bloomi's Indulge is a perfect toy to enhance the experience.
If your partner is on board for some prostate stimulation, then use the massager on them anally while your mouth is busy with their penis to give them the most intense orgasm.
Best Magic Wand: Unbound Ollie
We can thank Sex and The City and Samatha Jones for bringing this joyous toy into our lives! But really, introducing a vibrating wand massager into your partnered play has benefits for all parties involved.
Our recommendation is Unbound Ollie, which is a powerful wand with eight vibration speeds and patterns. It's designed with touch-smooth body-safe silicone and is 100% waterproof, so you can take this toy with you to the shower, pool, or any other body of water.
How To Use Unbound Ollie With Your Partner
Ollie is the perfect sex toy for foreplay. Use it to give your partner a massage all over their body, purposefully avoiding their intimate areas until they are begging you to touch them there.
Hold the wand against the scrotum and the sensitive area behind for external prostate stimulation during a blowjob to enhance the pleasure. If you or your partner enjoy nipple stimulation, Ollie can be used to add an extra stimulating sensation.
Arya tip: vibrating wands tend to have extremely powerful vibrations. If you're extra sensitive, you might consider holding the wand massager over the underwear or another type of barrier between the toy and your clitoris to make the stimulation more pleasurable.
Best Dildo: Lovehoney Glass Dildo
Last (but certainly not least) on our list of best sex toys for women is the Lovehoney Beaded Glass Dildo. Dildos tend to be forgotten when we talk about sex toys, especially when it comes to partnered play. However, this dildo can be a great addition to partnered sex.
It's made with borosilicate glass which is hypoallergenic and safe to use with all different types of lubes. The beaded part adds extra stimulation when using the toy. And the curved shape is perfect for both G-spot and P-spot stimulation.
How To Use Lovehoney Glass Dildo With a Partner
Because the dildo is made with Borosilicate glass, it makes the toy safe for temperature play. You can heat it up in hot water (keyword: hot, not boiling!) and see how it feels. Or, keep it in the fridge for a few hours and experiment with how a different sort of temperature play feels.
It's also the perfect toy for partnered and mutual masturbation. Use it on yourself while your partner watches, or let them use it on you. And lastly, if you're feeling adventurous, experiment with anal play – the beads make it extra pleasurable for those with prostate and those without.
It’s time to explore partnered play with a toy, don’t you think?
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About Arya
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