30 Hot Phrases to Talk About Your Fetish With Your S.O
This article was written for Arya by Beaonca Ward.
Beaonca Ward is a certified relationship coach that helps goal-driven women and couples beat anxiety, have good sex, and build a healthy relationship that can last a lifetime. Through her private coaching practice and events, she has helped hundreds of individuals change their lives and relationships. She grew up in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, is absolutely obsessed with animals and loves teaching others how to live happier lives.
Today, many couples I’ve encountered in my work in the therapy and coaching fields still struggle with the daunting talk about their sexual desires, especially if their needs fit outside of the typical scope of normalized sexual desires. If you are curious about how to talk about your fetish with your partner without shame, then this article is for you.
What Is a Fetish?
A fetish is a specific act that must be performed to experience arousal or sexual satisfaction. Many people confuse fetishes for kinks and vice versa. Unlike kinks, fetishes by nature are nonnegotiable. Therefore, a fetish has the capacity to destroy or enrich relationships.
According to a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, 1 in 6 people have a fetish. So, the likelihood that either you or your partner has one is pretty high.
However, many couples still experience shame talking about their fetishes and often refrain from disclosing them. Historically, fetishes were wrongly associated with mental disorders that needed to be “cured.”
Here’s How To Talk About Fetish With Your Partner
Whether you are a newbie or a seasoned connoisseur, These 30 Hot phrases to talk about your fetish with your S.O. are great ideas to use both during sex and as foreplay. The context of how you decide to use them is completely up to you. Just make sure you and your partner get consent and discuss clear boundaries on what sexual language feels comfortable for you. You get to make your rules!
1. “I need to feel you.”
This phrase is a good start for those of you who may be more of a novice to try new sexual experiences. Not all sex talk needs to be descriptive to be effective.
2. “I want you in my mouth.”
Regardless of whether you're keeping it old-fashioned with good old oral sex or incorporating your favorite toys, dildos, or other objects, finding ways to communicate clearly about what you want can make a big splash (literally).
3. “I like it when you hold it.”
This phrase is sexy, no matter the context it is used in. Feel free to get creative with this one. Bonus points if you say this when your partner is using an object.
4. “I want to touch you.“
This is another very good novice phrase for my newbies who are just becoming more familiar with dirty talk. This is also a great one to use if you struggle with directly voicing your wants or have a complicated sexual history.
5. “I’m in the mood for… (say what you want)"
Not all phrases have to be complex. Even the simple ones can still get the job done.
6. “I’d love to feel your foot on me.”
This one is pretty direct about what body part and fetish you feel you need to engage with in the moment. Talking about what you love can help your partner feel excited to share something that you love with them rather than focusing on the shame that might come with using feet in whatever ways you both like.
7. “I want to feel what she feels.”
This is wildly suitable for fetishes that may involve sexual activities with other people either inside or outside of your relationship, such as with glory holes or cuckolding.
8. “I feel like I’m not ready to cum yet.”
It is perfect for letting your s.o know you would like to do some edging. This works even if you never get to the finish line.
9. “I would like to see you in this.”
Wearing leather or other specific clothing materials is one of the more common types of fetishes. Let your partner know what you would like to see one another wear in this context.
10. “You’re not allowed to do that.”
This specific, more commanding kind of phrase could also be used to play into some more dominant or submissive consensual activities. Just make sure you both clearly talk beforehand about what is okay, what is not, and what commanding-ish statements are okay with you.
11. “Make me.”
Another great blunt phrase for more dominant and submissive play for those who like a bit of consensual aggressiveness.
12. “I want you to fill me up.”
The breeding fetish focuses on ejaculation without a condom. This one can be great in letting you s.o. know you're ready to try it. This phrase is another good one for those who love to role-play as well.
13. “I love seeing you dressed up like this.”
Here’s yet another hot phrase to use for clothing or material-based fetishes. You can even use this for those of you who have a heel-focused fetish, perhaps.
14. “Keep it on.”
You will love this one for dom/sub or heel play.
15. “Can you grab the mirror?”
Sometimes, asking a question is good for getting yourself deeper into the mood. Consent is always hot.
16. “Can I please watch?”
Here is another great question-based way to invite your partner to join you, especially if you are feeling a little shy.
17. “Spank me.”
One of the most common fetishes that appear to be a bit more normalized socially is spanking. Try this out and see what your partner thinks.
18. “I want you to watch.”
This is a great one to use sexual play involving people other than your partner. No judgment here!
19. “I have been waiting to grab this all week.”
You or your significant other may want to try out a new toy or insertable item. Just make sure whatever you use is safe and sanitary to keep you both in the mood.
20. “I like it when we get messy.”
Talking about a bodily fluid-based fetish can be particularly difficult, especially if it is one your significant other may be unfamiliar with. Try approaching what you desire by talking about what you do enjoy and specifically what you enjoy with them. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.
21. “I love it when you wear this.”
Here is such a soft way to approach your fetish. And the best part? You can always switch out “this” to name a particular outfit you love to see your partner in. Caution: This phrase is best used when your s.o is already wearing a particular item or outfit you love, not when you want them to wear one. Otherwise, this statement and others like it could be used as a form of manipulation, so choose its use wisely.
22. “Hold me while I ride you.”
Just remember to make sure both you and your partner enjoy this and they are excited when you say this and while you do it.
23. “Don’t let me cum yet.”
This is a hot phrase to use when your partner has an edging fetish.
24. “Tell me how you want to be tied.”
Tying up someone or being tied up (or maybe both) can offer a new, exciting experience.
25. “Spit on me.”
How more direct can you be right? Tell them what you want. This is another best-used commanding phrase for dom and subtypes, whether you desire something tame or a bit more extreme.
26. “Would you do that for me?”
If your s.o loves to watch, show them what you like.
27. “Come here. I want them to hear us.”
This is a bit more spicy to use on days you and your partner want to involve some other parties in your sexual escapades.
28. “I love your smell.”
For some people, sexual pleasure depends a bit more on particular aromas. That might even involve smelling body parts like feet, for example. Try this phrase out during your smelling adventures and see what happens. If you are feeling more bold, you could use this if you are both into things like golden showers.
29. “I wore this just for you.”
One great way to appeal to the senses is to let someone know that they are special to you.
30. “Show me what you want.”
Voyeurism is another common fetish that could involve watching another person enjoy themselves. And we think this phrase is the perfect addition to that kind of play.
The Bottom Line
When discussing fetish, make sure you and your partner are comfortable with what is happening and give yourselves some patience in figuring out what works best for you.
A good general reminder is that your fetish (or your partner’s) should never be to either one of your detriments and should never cause harm or damage to either one of you. If this is not the case, you and your partner may benefit from speaking to a licensed sexual health professional who can offer you support in working through your sexual differences.
Ready to practice your new skills?
Sign up for Arya today.
About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
