Restraint Play for Beginners: Arya’s Guide to Second Most Popular Sexual Fantasy
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
If you have ever used handcuffs during sex, or fantasized about being tied up and unable to move while your partner pleasures you, then restraint play is right up your alley.
Restraint play and bondage are popular BDSM practices that can unlock a world of thrilling sensations and allow you to explore new ways to experience pleasure.
Here at Arya, we're determined to find fun and exciting ways for you and your partner to try new things. And that's why we decided to tap into restraint play with our Scene Bound to Please.
Let's talk more about restraint play and why it's so attractive while we dive deep into ways to explore bondage with Arya.
Arya’s Guide to Restraint Play and Bondage
What Is Restraint Play?
Restraint play or what is sometimes referred to as bondage is a form of BDSM play that involves consensually restraining a partner during sex. In the BDSM acronym, restraint play and bondage represent the B. It's also frequently referred to as kinky play.
Bondage is one of the many ways you can explore powerplay dynamics in your relationship. One partner will be the Dominant, restraining their partner and taking control, and one will be the Submissive, submitting to their Dominant and letting go of control.
Why Arya Chose To Explore Restraint Play
A small study published in 2020 found that exchanging power during intimate play can be sexually arousing. And if you're curious about exploring restraint play and bondage, know that you're not alone.
One review published in 2020 found that over 55% of BDSM practitioners name bondage sex to be one of their favorite BDSM activities. Social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller found that BDSM-related fantasies that include taking/giving control and power play take a second spot amongst the most popular sexual fantasies people have.
We spoke with sex and intimacy coach Kayla Yoder to figure out why restraint play is so attractive to people and the answer might be surprising to you – it increases polarity.
"When you start to play with bondage, restraint, or other types of power play, you're stretching and intensifying the polarity by intentionally choosing to give one person more power and another person less power," explains Yoder.
The saying "opposites attract" is true when it comes to enjoying BDSM play. "This inherent power dynamic is so hot because it creates greater polarity, and therefore, greater attraction. It's quite literally science," she adds.
Given the popularity of restraint play and how pleasurable the powerplay can be, Arya wanted to create an experience that allows people to explore their bondage fantasies.
How To Explore Restraint Play at Home
Now that you know more about restraint play and why it's so attractive, you might be curious to try it at home with your partner. While BDSM is safe as long as it's consensual and everyone participating is excited about it, there are quite a few things to think about:
Communication: setting clear boundaries about what you're comfortable with and setting the rules for restraint play is crucial for a smooth experience. For that, you'll want to be open and honest when communicating with your partner. Make sure you set enough time to prepare before trying restraint play and always communicate throughout the experience.
Safety: once you set rules and boundaries, it's time to find the best way to stay safe during the experience. Always have an agreed upon safe word on hand or use a traffic light system to communicate during restraint play. If you're feeling uncomfortable or unsure, always let your partner know. Also, if you're using bondage tape, make sure to keep scissors nearby!
Tools: choosing the right restraint tools is essential. You want to have tools that will provide the thrill of being restrained but won't leave marks. If you're a beginner, choose cuffs that are made from leather or velcro and have padding. Avoid metal handcuffs as they can cut your skin if you pull - the same goes for silk scarfs.
Positions: believe it or not, finding the right position for restraint play makes all the difference! You want to look up sex positions that would be comfortable for the restrained partner and give the controlling partner good access to all the right places. Consider positions like Spread Eagle, as it's comfortable, easy to execute in most bedrooms, and gives the Dominant partner great access to their restrained partner.
Aftercare: for more intense sexual play like restraint play, aftercare is a must. Bondage can be emotionally and physically taxing on everyone involved, so you want to make sure that after you're done playing, you and your partner take some time to unwind and connect. Aftercare can be anything from taking a shower, cuddling, having a snack, and hydrating, and putting lotion on places where the restraints were. Discuss what aftercare is right for you and your partner beforehand, so you’ll have the supplies you need at the ready.
Let Arya Guide You: Bound to Please
Trying something new, especially if it's out of your comfort zone like restraint play can be overwhelming. There are many things to consider and you want to be prepared before you explore. That's where Arya comes into play!
Arya's Bound to Please is a Scene that's designed by our team of experts to introduce you to restraint play and bondage no matter your experience level. As you go through the Scene, here's what you can expect:
Inspiration: you'll receive a selection of curated fantasy stories that showcase different ways to explore restraint play with your partner. You'll find diverse points of view so you can really get to experience the Scene from different power dynamics to choose which one is for you.
Products: we hand-selected three products that will allow you to explore restraint play and bondage in a safe yet thrilling way.
Guidance: no need to wonder what you should or shouldn't do – we provide you with all the guidance you might need to create an unforgettable night with your partner.
With Bound to Please, you get to unlock the world of BDSM and start exploring new sensations, techniques, and kinks without any stress or worries. Sign up for Arya, set a date on a calendar, wait for your box to arrive, and start playing.
Restraint play is the second most popular sexual fantasy Americans have.
Sign up for Arya and bring your fantasies to life.
About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
