How To Increase Your Sex Drive: 11 Effortless Ways
Almost every relationship experiences a time when desire feels a little lackluster. When it happens, you may find yourself Googling “how to increase sex drive” and “sex tips to rekindle the flame” while you’re waiting to pick up your kids from school, wondering where your once-fiery passion went.
Whether you’re dealing with a low sex drive, a loss of sex drive completely, or, for the first time in your relationship, experiencing mismatched libidos, know that you’re not alone—over 50% of couples are in sexless marriages.
But just because you don’t feel hot and bothered right now, it doesn’t mean it’s permanent.
Research shows that sexual desire fluctuates over time and can be influenced by a host of factors, from lifestyle to relationship dynamics.
We’re here today to talk about the reasons why you may see a dip in your libido and how to increase your sex drive and deal with mismatched libidos in your relationship. Ready? Let’s give your drive the gentle boost it needs—without the pressure.
What Causes Low Sex Drive?
Before you jump into fixing the “problem” and rushing into a threesome as a way to spice up the bedroom, it’s a good idea to pause and figure out why you or your partner may experience a loss of libido.
So, what are the common reasons for low sex drive? It turns out there are quite a few:
Hormonal changes: Fluctuations in sex hormones (estrogen, testosterone, etc.) or thyroid hormones can take a toll on your libido. Hormones can fluctuate due to pregnancy, menopause, or medical conditions.
Stress: When your mind is occupied by deadlines, financial concerns, or family-related stress, it can be tough to switch gears and feel in the mood for sex with your partner.
Medications: Certain medications like antidepressants, blood pressure medication, or even birth control can impact your libido.
Mental health issues: Anxiety, depression, or trauma can reduce your interest in intimacy.
Sexual dysfunction: Experiencing erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness can greatly decrease the desire to have sex.
Relationship changes: Unresolved conflicts or feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner can put a damper on your sex life, too.
Lifestyle factors: Lack of sleep, poor diet, and substance abuse can all negatively impact your libido.
Figuring out the reason why you stopped having or craving sex will help you choose the right approach on how to increase your sex drive.
How To Increase Sex Drive: 5 Lifestyle & Health Tips
Before you jump into erotic roleplay or join your local swinger club, take a look at your daily habits and wellness. Small tweaks in your lifestyle can significantly improve sexual desire:
Limit Alcohol
A glass of wine can help you relax and set the mood for a romantic date night at home. However, overindulging or binge drinking every day can do more harm than good and completely throw off your healthy sex drive.
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, excessive drinking can suppress testosterone production, contribute to you feeling fatigued, and impair sexual function.
If you want to increase your sex drive, limiting your alcohol consumption or eliminating alcohol is a great place to start.
Maintain an Active Lifestyle
There’s no way around it. Regular exercise doesn’t just keep you looking and feeling good—it can also give your libido a boost.
One study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that participants who engaged in moderate to vigorous exercise reported experiencing stronger sexual desire and improved arousal compared to those with sedentary lifestyles.
Find an active hobby you enjoy that keeps you moving, whether it’s a brisk walk, a dance class, weightlifting in the gym, or a yoga class.
Bonus points: find an activity you and your partner both enjoy so you can engage in active hobbies together.
Focus on Nutrition
What we eat impacts how we feel and, in turn, affects our libido, too. It’s not just about cutting out ultra-processed foods—your diet must be full of nutrient-dense whole foods that support your hormones and overall well-being.
Research suggests that the Mediterranean diet—rich in antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals—has a positive association with sexual health and function. Make sure you incorporate plenty of fresh veggies and fruit, lean proteins, and healthy fats into your diet, and see how your health and sex life transform.
Arya Tip: Why not get your partner on board with nutrition? Choose a healthy recipe and try cooking it at home together during your next at-home date night.
Get Enough Sleep
Lack of sleep can wreak havoc on hormonal regulation and mood.
A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women who got just one extra hour of sleep at night had a 14% increase in the likelihood of sexual activity the following day.
We bet from now on, you’ll be taking your sleep more seriously, huh?
Take Care of Your Mental Health
Conditions like depression or anxiety can lower libido, creating a vicious cycle of frustration and stress. Make sure you take care of your mental health the same way you care for your body and be aware of your stress levels and emotional well-being.
How To Increase Sex Drive: 6 Relationship Tips
If your health and lifestyle choices are on par, but you still find low sex drive or mismatched libidos to be ever present in your relationship, we got you—below are six ways to strengthen your bond with your partner and find new ways to enjoy each other's company in and outside the bedroom.
Masturbate More
The more sex you have, the more sex you crave. Yeah, you’ve read that right.
And sex doesn’t have to be old-fashioned intercourse. It can be a simple solo masturbation or even a mutual masturbation session.
Exploring your body helps you learn what sensations arouse you, making it easier to guide your partner.
Plus, masturbation can boost your self-confidence. Especially if you invite your partner to watch you touch yourself. Hot!
Start Dating Your Partner (Again)
Remember how exciting things were when you first got together? Those little butterflies fluttering in your stomach? How exciting every glance and touch was?
Just because you’ve been with your partner for a long time, doesn’t mean you can’t ever feel the same about them—you absolutely can and should.
Start by dating them again, just like at the start of your relationship.
Schedule regular date nights on your calendars. Get a sitter to watch the kiddos. Dress up and put in an effort. Try new restaurants, cafes, and museums, or revisit spots you loved when you first dated.
This will bring you emotionally closer to each other and help you enter the new honeymoon phase in your relationship.
Try New Things Together
Sometimes, routine can be the reason you don’t want to have sex. You’re not alone!
If that’s the case with your relationship, don’t worry—infusing novelty into your relationship is easier than you think:
Figure out all the erogenous zones in your and your partner’s bodies
Try sensation play
Play with fire and explore temperature and wax play
Find ways to worship your partner
Learn the skill of dirty talk and blow your partner’s mind with your words alone
Try shibari and tie your partner up with rope
Dress up as someone else for one night and play around with erotic roleplay
Give your partner a sensual massage
Play with orgasm denial or edging
Experiment with bondage sex
Read erotic fantasy together
Try anal sex
Make trying new things with your partner the new routine, and watch your sex life transform.
Focus on Sex Less
This may sound contradictory in a guide on how to increase sex drive, but hear us out!
When you put too much pressure on intercourse, it can cause negative feelings such as anxiety for your partner. They’ll start avoiding any form of intimacy.
Instead of always trying to initiate sex, look for ways to be physically affectionate without the expectation of sex.
Cuddle on the couch while watching a movie, give each other back rubs, hold hands while you go for a walk, and make out before you go to sleep.
This approach helps you foster intimacy, security, and connection.
Enhance Your Foreplay Game
It’s no secret that foreplay is key to good sex. So, the question is—how good is your foreplay game?
Try not to rush into penetration too soon during intimate moments with your partner. Spend time exploring their body with your lips, tongue, and fingers. Shower them with affectionate words. Tease them until they’re begging you for more.
Use sex toys (check out our guide for the best sex toys for women couples can use together) on your partner and ask them to use their favorite sex toys on you. Make it playful, and make it last.
Remember: great sex is often about the buildup leading to it as much as the act itself.
When To Seek Medical Help
Sometimes, general lifestyle and relationship tips and tricks simply don’t do it. If you have a low sex drive and no matter what you do, it doesn’t get better, it may be time to consult a healthcare professional.
If you experience any of the following, it’s a sign you may benefit from expert guidance:
Severe distress about lack of desire
Chronic pain or discomfort during sex
Relationship struggles that go beyond your ability to resolve
Persistent health and sexual function issues
Your doctor will run some tests and help you find the right treatment. Seeking professional help for low libido is nothing to be ashamed of—sexual health is just as important as other aspects of your overall well-being.
Let Arya Guide You — Discover Your Erotic Persona
At Arya, we have developed an eroticism framework called Erotic Persona that essentially tells you how you experience desire. “The Erotic Personas framework was created to help individuals uncover the intricate dynamics of what ignites and inhibits their desire,” explains Nicholas Velotta, Head of Relationship Research at Arya.
Knowing your Erotic Persona can help you better understand various aspects of your sexuality and what really gets your sexual desire gears going—your persona may surprise you!
Once you know what turns you on, you can communicate your desires better to your partner and enjoy a more holistic, satisfying, intimate life.
For couples with mismatched libidos, finding your Erotic Personas may bridge your desire gap. When we surveyed over 100,000 people for our 2025 Couples and Intimacy Trends report, we found that not all couples have matching Erotic Personas.
Are you The Romantic or The Director?
Curious to find out? Take our 5-minute Erotic Persona quiz now.
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
About Arya
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