25+ Sex Tips That Will Blow Their Mind: How To Make Sex Better According to Experts
No matter how long you’ve been in a relationship, these 25 sex tips will blow your partner’s mind. From romantic to kinky, these sex tips for women and men will surely spice things up in the bedroom.
Ready to find out how to make sex better?
How To Have Better Sex: 25+ Expert Sex Tips
Are you ready to spice up the bedroom and find out how to make sex better? Let’s dive in!
1. Treat Your Partner to a Sensual Massage
When we asked Arya members what areas of eroticism they’d like to explore, 53.3% of folks said erotic massage.
There’s a good reason why such a simple thing as a sensual massage is so attractive for couples.
First, it allows you to slow down and be fully present.
Second, you get to engage in plenty of physical touch with your partner without the pressure of sex.
And third—you get to show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Plus, a sensual massage is a great way to diversify your foreplay repertoire or even make foreplay last longer and be better.
This can lead to more and better orgasms. Especially for people with vulvas.
2. Try Erotic Roleplay
Novelty is the key to ever-present sexual desire, even in relationships of 30+ years.
Novelty doesn’t need to be a third person in your bedroom (though you definitely can if that’s what you want!).
You can have sex with a “new partner” without the hassle of organizing a threesome or opening up your relationship.
How? Erotic roleplay.
Channel your alter ego and have fun with your partner, pretending to be someone else.
3. Play With Temperature
Wax and temperature play literally turns up the heat in the bedroom.
Depending on how hardcore you want to get, you can use a massage oil candle for an elevated warm rubdown. Or take a kinkier route and explore painful pleasure with a low-temperature wax candle.
Introduce an element of cold to add contrast by using a cooled glass sex toy (this Lovehoney glass dildo is our favorite), a face roller, or simply ice cubes.
4. Have Bondage Sex
Bondage sex or restraint play can easily amp up your sex routine if you’re curious about trying kink or you’re a kinkster.
Try a lighter version of restraint play by having a partner secure your hands with theirs above your head during Missionary. Or pinning you in place during a Doggy.
Take it up a notch with gentle restraints such as silk bondage (Oh What Beauty is our favorite) or luxurious leather cuffs (we love them from Liebe Seele).
Not only is restraint play a thrilling way to make sex more exciting, but adding cuffs or silk ties is visually stimulating and arousing.
5. Learn the Art of Dirty Talk
Do you know what’s your largest sex organ?
Your brain!
And all you need to do to turn it on is use your words.
That’s where your dirty talk skills come in.
Whisper sweet, romantic things into your partner’s ear during a sensual Missionary, or call them “your dirty little slut” while you spank them in a Doggy position.
Don’t worry – anyone can learn to talk dirty in the bedroom. For inspiration, check out our extensive dirty talk guide.
6. Make a “Yes/No/Maybe” List
The easiest way to make sex better and bring the spark back to the relationship is being open about your desires with your partner.
But it may feel challenging to open up, especially about sex. That’s okay!
This is where the “Yes/No/Maybe” list enters the chat. It can help bridge the communication gap and take away the pressure.
Here’s how it works:
On a piece of paper, in a notebook, or a Google Doc, create three columns and list various sexual activities in the correct column:
Yes: Sexual activities you absolutely love to engage in or want to try.
No: Sexual activities that are not for you.
Maybe: Sexual activities you’re curious about but not sure if you want to try.
Once you and your partner have your lists, swap them. Find the sexual activities in your “Yes” and “Maybe” columns that match, and get to exploring.
7. Watch Each Other
Arya’s survey of over 6,000 people, the State of Intimacy report, revealed that 55% of couples indulge in mutual masturbation sessions.
Are you one of them?
There’s something very hot about watching your partner pleasure themselves in front of you… And it can be equally as sexy and empowering to masturbate in front of your partner.
Masturbation is not a solo-only practice, and involving your partner can be an easy way to make sex even better.
8. Use Plenty of Lube
A super easy way to boost sex that many folks often forget is to use lube. Lots and lots of lube.
We get it, lube may have a bad rep, and it’s definitely not talked about enough. But a good personal lubricant can be bedroom-changing.
Lube makes things slip and slide easier, which enhances all the pleasurable sensations. It works for intercourse, anal sex, boob jobs, hand jobs, blow jobs and even masturbation.
Make sure to choose a high-quality lube free of all the harmful ingredients.
Our current favorites are Mochi Melt Flavored Water-Based Lube (perfect for blowjobs) or Mochi Melt Silicone (works wonders for hand jobs and anal sex).
9. Take Your Partner on a Date
Esther Perel believes that foreplay starts the moment sex ends. Here at Arya, we couldn’t agree more.
What does that mean for you? Well, it means that even things you do outside the bedroom matter to the quality of your sex life.
When was the last time you asked your partner on a date? Only the two of you, without any interruptions?
Even if you’ve been with your partner for decades, you can (and should) date them! And the best part is it doesn’t have to be complicated.
Organize a romantic date night at home. Or, try one of the many things couples can do together.
Just find a way to date your partner again, and see your sex life transform.
10. Do Pelvic Floor Exercises
You’ve probably heard about pelvic floor exercises before. But the question is – have you been doing them?
Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles has many benefits for both men and women:
Men can last longer during sex. Both men and women can have stronger orgasms. You may even train yourself to have hands-free orgasms.
How awesome is that?
Before you go and look up pelvic floor exercises to do at home, we recommend you consult with a pelvic floor therapist who can create a personalized plan for you to avoid getting hurt.
11. Try Edging Together
Edging is a sexual practice of intentionally delaying orgasms.
You might be wondering: orgasms are great, so why would I want to try to delay it?!
Well, there are actually benefits to practicing edging by yourself or with your partner:
Improves stamina so you last longer during intercourse
Enhances pleasure and makes orgasms more powerful
A great and easy way to introduce novelty into the bedroom
Helps you understand and control your body better
Beginby yourself to explore how it feels and what works for you (if you’re nervous). Once you’re comfortable, you can bring your partner into the experience.
Introduce an element of powerplay into the mix and try orgasm denial. One of you plays the dominant role while the other is the submissive.
The dominant partner pleasures the submissive, bringing them closer to the edge without allowing them to orgasm. The dominant partner can order the submissive to edge themselves and only climax when the dominant allows.
Play around with the dynamics to see what works for you.
12. Unlock New Sensations
When we surveyed over 100,000 respondents for the 2025 Couples and Intimacy Trends report, we discovered that sensation play is the number one thing people are curious to explore.
Sensation play is perfect for kinksters, romantics, and everyone in between. It’s a sexual practice that allows you to connect to your body, unlock new ways to experience pleasure, and feel closer to your partner.
Start by using a feather tickler or a soft silk scarf and gently run it over your partner’s naked body. Observe their reactions and how different sensations make them feel.
Take the sensation play to the next level with a blindfold—cover your partner’s eyes so they can experience pleasure when their other senses are heightened.
13. Explore Your Erogenous Zones
Everyone knows it feels good when you touch the penis, vulva, and the clitoris. But did you know that other sensitive areas all over your body feel just as good when stimulated?
From your nipples, neck, and earlobes to your inner thighs and feet, your body is full of sensitive areas waiting to be explored. Discovering those erogenous zones and the pleasure they bring is a surefire way to make sex better.
14. Introduce a Sex Toy (or a Few)
Some people (unfortunately) still view sex toys as competition or something shameful to use. However, sex toys are your best friends and, for some people, the only way to climax reliably every.single.time.
Plus, sex toys are so fun!
With tons of different options available at your fingertips, everyone can find one to help enhance their pleasure and make sex better.
Make picking out and buying a sex toy together a fun and sexy date night. Or, surprise your partner by choosing a sex toy you think they may love.
For inspiration, check out our five best sex toys for women guide on the best sex toys for couples and how to use them with a partner.
15. Try a New Sex Position
On average, couples use 2.5 sex positions per sex session. And most often, it’s the same positions they’re familiar with.
Recycling through the same two sex positions over and over again can become repetitive and make sex less exciting.
So, introduce a new sex position into your repertoire.
Even making a change as small as trying a new sex position together can make sex more exciting and fun.
Try One of Arya’s Favorites
The Chairman:
The penetrating partner sits on a chair or the edge of the bed or couch, and the receiving partner sits on their lap, facing away as they ride the penetrating partner.
16. Flirt With Them
Do you flirt with your partner on the regular?
If you had to pause and think about the answer, it’s time to polish your flirting skills and get to flirt on!
Flirting is often reserved for new lovers, but it’s a powerful way to show your partner you desire them. Build tension and anticipation enhance foreplay, and connect with your person.
Compliment them often, leave them little love notes, whisper sweet nothings into their ear, send them sexy text messages while they’re at work, or engage in playful banter—flirting doesn’t have to be complicated to be compelling.
17. Have a Hot Make-Out Session
Couples who have been together for a long time sometimes forget how magical making out can feel.
When life gets in the way, it’s normal to only kiss when saying hello or goodbye or when you’re ready to initiate sex.
Kissing and making out don’t always have to lead to sex.
Sometimes, a hot make-out session on the sofa or the back of your car can be the “main event.”
Pull your partner in closer, and get lost in the pleasure of having their lips on yours without the end goal in mind.
18. Tie Them Up
Whether you’re only getting started with bondage or are a seasoned kinkster, introducing shibari to playtime is a great way to spice things up in the bedroom.
Shibari is an erotic art of Japanese rope bondage that involves tying a variety of knots with the rope to restrain your partner.
It can be sexual and be part of sex, but it doesn’t have to be. Some people enjoy the process of tying beautiful ties on their partner or being tied up as a form of relaxation and sensual connection building.
19. Spank Them
One of the biggest sexual desire surveys by Dr. Justin Lehmiller revealed that the second most popular sexual fantasy Americans have is exploring power, control, and pain. Even 34% of women and 30% of men reported having spanked a partner or been spanked before.
Playfully spanking your partner as you pass them by is a fun way to flirt. Or bend them over your knee and spank them for being naughty.
Just make sure you’re aware of how hard you go—the redness of the skin is a great indicator of whether or not you’re spanking your partner too much. So, keep an eye out! Oh, and use safewords.
20. Share Your Sexual Fantasies
Talking about sex can be hard—we get it. But how can you have the best sex of your life if you don’t ask for it?
Chances are, your partner can’t read your mind. They probably don’t know what you fantasize about. Sharing it with them can bring you closer and maybe even inspire you to bring your sexual fantasies to life together.
21. Schedule Sex
Before you roll your eyes, hear us out!
Scheduling sex might not sound sexy. Because we’ve been led to believe that sex is supposed to be spontaneous to be good.
But you know what good sex is? One that actually happens.
When you wait for the right moment for the desire to have sex, it might never come—life tends to get in the way.
Scheduling sexy time with your partner ensures uninterrupted quality time together.
If you worry about scheduling sex being not sexy, instead of scheduling sex, schedule a date night. This way, you’ll still benefit from spending time with your partner without the pressure, which might spark desire in the end.
Or add it to your calendar and invite your partner. “Sexy Time” or flirty emojis can definitely tease and build anticipation.
22. Learn a New Sexual Skill Together
Couples who engage in novel activities together, in the bedroom and outside of it, tend to have higher relationship satisfaction.
Why not pick a new sex skill you’re both beginners at and learn it as a team?
Not only do you get the benefits of tackling something together and adding novelty to your routine—you’re also learning a new skill that will make sex better.
23. Listen to (or Read) Erotica
Reading and listening to erotica stimulates the largest human sex organ: your brain, according to Harvard Health. But that’s not the only benefit.
It’s also a novel way to enhance foreplay. And it’s a stress-free way to bridge the communication gap between you two—creating a safe space to share your desires.
That’s why at Arya, we have a function that allows our couples to share their favorite erotic fantasies with their partner.
63% of Arya’s couples take advantage of this feature and share their favorite short audio fantasy stories.
24. Be Vulnerable
Having hard and uncomfortable conversations with your partner can be scary, but many relationship and sex life benefits come with being vulnerable.
You can connect deeper and get to know each other better, even if you’ve been together for years.
You might be pleasantly surprised where an honest, vulnerable conversation may lead you.
25. Go Down on Them
Unsurprisingly, oral sex offers a ton of health and relationship benefits. Couples who engage in oral sex report higher sexual satisfaction and increased pleasure during intercourse.
Going down on your partner is also hot and an effective way to fight boredom in the bedroom.
Why not surprise your partner with a spontaneous oral treat next time you have sex and see all the benefits for yourself?
Bonus Tip: Try Arya
Arya knows exactly what you want, no matter how long you’ve been with your partner.
And you know what’s the best part?
Arya keeps things hot all year long:
Personal Concierge: A real person guides you to better sex and connection.
Zero Guesswork: Lighten your mental load with intimate experiences curated by your Concierge.
Everything you need: Spice things up with expert-selected items delivered discreetly to your door.
All you have to do is schedule a date night on your calendar. We’ll do the rest for you.
Why Does Good Sex Matter in Your Relationship?
A common misconception people have about long-term relationships and sex is that, at some point, the desire fizzles out, and that’s just the way it is.
While it’s true that intense sexual desire changes throughout the relationship, it doesn’t mean good sex has to end.
Science says that there are many reasons for couples to keep their sex lives healthy, no matter how long they’ve been together:
Relationship Satisfaction
Sexual satisfaction is one of the key factors of a satisfying relationship, no matter your age or how long you’ve been in a relationship, according to research.
Feeling Closer
Lots of different hormones are released in the brain when you have sex. One of those hormones is oxytocin, the feel-good hormone that’s responsible for creating the feeling of closeness, connection, and love.
Having sex helps strengthen the bond between you and your partner, so you create positive emotions towards each other.
Good for Your Health
Sex is good for your relationship and your overall health. Oxytocin released during sex can lower stress and promote relaxation.
Having sex and orgasms also helps you sleep better, and sleep is known to be an important part of your health and well-being.
But wait, there’s more!
Engaging in sexual activities can help improve your heart health and lower blood pressure.
Knowing your and your partner’s Erotic Persona can make sex better.
Take the quiz to find out yours.
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
About Arya
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