Introducing Arya’s Erotic Personas
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
One of the fun parts of the onboarding process when you first join Arya is answering quick and fun quiz-style questions about you and your relationship. Arya’s team of relationship researchers, sex educators, and experts have developed a unique framework that helps us determine the best way to improve your and your partner's sexual compatibility, amongst many other things.
So, if you're curious to find out more about Arya's Erotic Personas and find out what your Erotic Persona is, read on!
Introduction to Arya’s Erotic Personas: The Importance of Understanding Sexual Compatibility
What Is Sexual Compatibility?
Sexual compatibility describes how well you and your partner(s) match sexually. It includes things like: your sex drives and desired frequency of sex, turn-ons, and sexual preferences.
While sexual compatibility can encompass many different things that vary from couple to couple, the essence of sexual compatibility is feeling seen, heard, and understood when it comes to sex. It's an important part of sexual satisfaction in any romantic relationship.
Now, it's rare (but not impossible!) to find a partner who mirrors your sexuality 100%. In most cases, sexual compatibility will require understanding, clear communication, and effort from you and your partner.
That's where Arya comes into play! We have developed a framework called Erotic Persona that helps us find fun ways to improve your and your partner's sexual compatibility.
What Are Arya’s Erotic Personas?
In short, Erotic Personas are personality inventory for where you source your eroticism. "Erotic Personas are a useful way for us to understand what turns you on and what’s likely to turn you off based on the sources of your eroticism and connection with your partner(s)," explains the Head of Relationship Science at Arya, Nicholas Velotta.
How We Developed the Framework
We’ve developed the Erotic Personas system drawing from multiple frameworks of sexuality and intimacy. And we’ve also worked with sex therapists who see people all the time and help them work through challenges in their relationships.
We also used two influential sexuality researchers' work when developing Erotic Personas. Dr. Rosemary Basson was the one to develop the female sexual response cycle, which was different from the male sexual response cycle that was used widely before. We have used her research on the sexual response types when developing Erotic Personas archetypes.
Also, Dr. Emily Nagoski and her dual model of sexual desire played a huge part in inspiring the development of the Erotic Personas archetypes, mostly The Romantic and The Director.
How We Determine Your Erotic Persona
When you sign up for Arya, we ask you questions that have to do with what type of stimulus tends to make you feel most connected with your partner during sex as well as what things tend to initiate your desire for sex.
Through understanding what different things turn you on and might be obstacles to feeling sexual desire the Arya team was able to create different archetypes that represent how each of you experiences arousal, desire, pleasure, connection, and intimacy with your partner.
Through working with thousands of couples we found that there are certain "buckets" that people tend to fall into. It's important to note that it’s a spectrum just like sexuality is, and you can have different forms of eroticism. So, you can have different scores in each of these "buckets."
In fact, most people don’t just have one form of eroticism. But we usually have one or two forms of eroticism that we naturally gravitate towards, and the archetype that has the most scores will be your Erotic Persona.
It's hard to say why you might have one Erotic Persona or another. The way our eroticism develops is influenced by many factors. “How we were raised, our past relationships, the culture that we live in, and our own bodies' physiological reaction,” explains Velotta.
Evolution of Sexual Compatibility and Erotic Personas
According to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, sexual compatibility in a relationship doesn't matter as much as people think, because what we enjoy during sex changes and evolves with time. What matters much more is whether you and your partner are both open to trying new things and experimenting.
Just like your sexuality evolves with time, so does your Erotic Persona. In fact, it's our goal. The way you are sorted into your Erotic Persona archetype can be influenced by your understanding of your eroticism.
It might be that you haven’t explored your eroticism fully yet when you first find out about your Erotic Persona. As you discover new things, your answers might change.
You might start your journey being sorted into The Director category to later find out that you are, in fact, The Adventurer. In fact, Arya wants and supports as many people to evolve into The Adventurer as possible.
As you explore your sexuality more, we want to encourage you to take the bits and pieces that you like from all of the different personas and find your own version of The Adventurer. "We’re not saying you need to love every kink under the sun, but what we do want is for you to define aspects of each spectrum and include them in your sexual playstyles," Velotta says.
Erotic Personas: Four Archetypes
Alright, now it's time to dive into each four Erotic Personas archetypes for a closer look:
The Romantic
Key characteristics of The Romantic:
Contextual
Responsive desire
Communication
Intimacy
Closeness
Vulnerability
"The Romantic is someone who thrives off the responsive desire,” explains Velotta. The Romantic is somebody who enjoys building the tension and context they need to desire sex. More women tend to have this Erotic Persona because in general, they tend to have a responsive sexual desire type more often.
Fostering emotional connection, safety, self-esteem, and comfortability with their own body as well as communicating what they need is key to The Romantic's sexuality.
The Romantic cares less about penetration and focuses on the variables of foreplay. And foreplay is defined broadly for them. Essentially, foreplay begins as soon as sex ends.
For The Romantic, sex is a part of the connection with their partner, something that comes with a lot of other forms of connection. "You are continuously feeding desire with this type of person because it can be eroded by neglect," Velotta says.
The Director
Key characteristics of The Director:
Spontaneous desire
Physicality
Powerplay
Orgasm is a marker of pleasure
The Director experiences sex in a linear fashion – they become aroused, they become desirous and they want to have sex. Sex follows a formula. This is how most pop culture and much of the literature on sexuality has been framed for a very long time.
This category correlates with men mostly, especially heterosexual men. That is because this is the group that is the subject of a lot that literature and pop culture and has been for years.
The Directors experience eroticism as being more straightforward, and very visually informed. They are direct about sex and very interested in visuals of sex.
The Director also prefers penetrative sex over other forms of sex. In fact, if penetration wasn't involved, The Director might not even consider it sex. They will be affected by the frequency of sex and they will see sex as the main source of connection.
Generally, the goal of sex for The Director is to have intercourse and then an orgasm. It’s harder for The Director to understand sex outside of this linear path.
The Adventurer
Key characteristics of The Adventurer:
Novelty
Versatility
Taboo
Kinks
The Adventurer sees the value in all of the different domains of eroticism. They can source their eroticism through a bunch of different play styles.
The Adventurer is excited to explore, to initiate, and when asked to do something in the bedroom, they are most often into trying it with their partner.
For The Adventurer, connection with their partner is enhanced by sharing these new experiences, learning to collaborate, and learning about each other's bodies in new ways. "The Adventurer is more likely to be kinky. Whether it’s vanilla kinks (PDA) or hardcore kinks (BDSM)," says Velotta.
It might be that The Adventurer uses kink as a way to spice things up in the bedroom, or they might consider kink as their identity marker. Both types of people fall into The Adventurer archetype.
Now, it's important to note that it’s not that The Adventurers don’t appreciate classic sex. It’s just that if that’s all they’re getting, then their sex life is not good enough for them.
At Arya, we see a fairly equal division of genders among The Adventurers.
The Connector
Key characteristics of The Connector:
Diverse forms of touch
Sensation play
Physical touch is the main love language
Responsive desire
The Connector is the “sensor” of the Erotic Personas. Physical, mental, and environmental stimulation all play a key part in their eroticism.
It is one of the rarer Erotic Personas, and they are most likely to experience non-genital orgasms during erotic play. How fun is that?
Their primary love language tends to be physical touch, and they will likely find unique and different ways to engage in intentional physical touch with their partners.
It’s important to note that feeling overstimulated by their environment or being pre-occupied with things that require their attention might interfere with their desire to engage in intimacy. So, the best way to help The Connector out is to find a way to remove the distractions and clear their environment to make space for their desire to thrive.
How Do Erotic Personas Influence Your Arya Journey?
Arya's unique algorithm uses a few different variables when determining which Collection you and your partner will receive when you join Arya. Your Erotic Persona plays a part, together with your relationship factors when deciding which Scene you’ll be sorted into.
It's an art and a science. “You want [one thing], but your relationship needs [another thing]. Let’s bridge the gap between these two things,” explains Velotta.
By knowing your Erotic Persona, we’re able to better determine what tools and resources will allow you to explore eroticism better with your partner. “[Erotic Personas] tells us what needs to be present for you to be turned on or want sex with your partner,” Velotta says.
Here at Arya, we’re interested in making sure that the curation system is based on both partners’ responses. So, both your and your partner's Erotic Personas matter. We want to make sure that both Personas are seen and heard and understood in each Scene.
If we have partners where one is The Dictator and one is The Romantic, we strive to make sure that there is a healthy balance between communication and physicality which are key characteristics for each Persona to accommodate both.
Arya’s team of experts develops each Scene in a way where no matter what your Erotic Persona is, you’ll find something to enjoy within the Scene.
Life is so grown up. It’s time to play.
Sign up for Arya and start your exciting journey today.
About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
