How To Have Anal Sex: 17 Best Expert Tips for More Pleasure and Less Pain
Are you, like thousands of Arya’s couples, curious to find out how to spice things up in the bedroom?
Anal sex ranks in the top ten things couples want to explore, according to our 2025 Couples and Intimacy Trends report.
And for a good reason.
Anal play has tons of benefits and can be extremely pleasurable despite the outdated misconceptions circulating to this day—the key is understanding your body and knowing how to have anal sex that feels good for you and your partner.
Get ready, because we’re about to answer all the questions you’ve ever had about anal sex, such as:
What is anal sex?
What are the benefits of anal sex?
How to prepare for anal sex so it’s pleasurable?
Is anal sex safe?
Do women like anal sex? (spoiler alert: yeah, they do!)
Can you get pregnant from anal sex?
What Is Anal Sex?
Let’s start with the very basics.
Anal sex is the type of sexual activity that involves stimulating the anus or rectal area for pleasure.
You may choose to use your mouth, tongue, fingers, penis, or a variety of sex toys to do so. Whatever floats your boat, as they say.
Most people think of anal penetration when they hear the term, but anal sex can be so much more than that.
Think of it like a menu of exciting possibilities—you can choose the appetizer, main course, or the full buffet depending on your mood, comfort level, and curiosity.
Different Types of Anal Sex
To help you understand just how diverse anal sex can be, let’s break down different forms of anal play activities you can choose from:
Rimming, aka Analingus: An act of orally stimulating the area around the outside of the anus.
Anal fingering: Use your fingers to stimulate the outer area around the anus and explore shallow penetration.
Anal massage: A type of erotic massage, when using your fingers, you stimulate the butt, anus, and the area around it.
Toy play: From anal beads but plugs to anal hooks–there’s a variety of sex toys you can choose from that are all designed to stimulate the anus as the main event of the evening or as a way to enhance other sexual activities.
Anal intercourse: When a penis or a strap-on dildo is used to penetrate the anus to explore deeper pleasure. A type of anal intercourse that a heterosexual couple engages in when a woman uses a strap-on to penetrate the man’s anus is called pegging.
All of these anal play types can be used as the main event or may be combined with other sexual activities, such as oral sex to enhance sex or add novelty to your sexual routine.
Anal Sex Benefits
So, what makes anal sex worth trying?
Enhanced Physical Pleasure
One of the most obvious perks of anal play is that it provides a completely different kind of sensation.
The anus and surrounding area have a high concentration of nerve endings, which means that stimulating that area can bring intense pleasure to the receiver.
And let’s not forget that men have prostate down there, which is like a male version of a G-spot.
Stimulating the prostate directly or indirectly can boost pleasure and lead to more powerful orgasms.
However, anal pleasure is not reserved solely for people with prostates!
For women, anal stimulation (specifically penetrative pleasure) can offer indirect stimulation of internal pleasure zones located within the vagina, creating unique sensations.
A Sense of Novelty and Adventure
We have to mention it—anal play offers couples to add novelty to their bedroom routines.
Trying something new in the bedroom can reignite desire, fuel excitement, and strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
Stepping into unexplored territory can add a sense of playfulness and adventure to your relationship—especially if you approach the exploration with an open mind.
Improved Communication and Trust
Anal sex, particularly for first-timers, requires more discussion, consent, and care than many other sexual activities.
As you talk through these things, you may notice that your communication skills improve, your trust deepens, and you start to feel a heightened sense of intimacy.
Investing in your relationship and pleasure is a surefire way to strengthen your emotional bond and create intimacy.
Exploration of New Sensations
Think of your body as a vast land of explored and yet-to-be-explored erogenous zones.
Engaging in anal play can be a great way for you and your partner to discover those erogenous zones and sensation combos you haven’t considered before.
It also gives you an opportunity to tap into your creativity and think about the sex you’re having outside the box—it may lead to figuring out new techniques, better sex positions, and stronger orgasms.
How to Prepare for First-Time Anal Sex
Before you take the (ahem) plunge, a little preparation can go a long way to make your first (or fiftieth) anal experience more enjoyable:
Consider hygiene: Are you stressed about things getting messy during the act? It’s normal to feel anxious about it. To alleviate some of the anxiety, take time to clean up beforehand. Take a shower, and if you feel the need, use an anal douche. Don’t overdo it—your body’s natural flora is delicate. A light cleanse is more than enough to help you feel fresh and confident.
Get into the right mindset: Anal play is so much more pleasurable when your mind and body are relaxed. When you’re tense, your anal muscles clench, which can make the penetration uncomfortable or painful. So, take a warm bath or a shower, listen to your favorite music, and spend lots of time on foreplay before you even begin.
Set the mood: A calm, inviting atmosphere will help you ease the nerves and heighten your excitement. Think soft lighting, scented candles, and sensual music in the background. Create a scene that feels intimate, sexy, and relaxing.
Get your tools: Nobody wants to interrupt playtime to run into the bathroom for a towel. Gather all the tools and toys you may need for anal play and have them around for easy access. Think: towel, tissues, sex toys, and lube—globs of lube.
Talk it out: Sexual communication can be overlooked, yet it’s essential for your successful exploration. So, talk about your boundaries and expectations. What level of penetration are you comfortable with? Are you starting with a finger or a toy? Will you incorporate other forms of play or only stick with anal? Make sure you’re on the same page.
How to Have Anal Sex (That’s Pleasurable Every Time)
While pain can sometimes be pleasurable, when it comes to anal sex, things don’t have to hurt.
Now that you know how to prepare for anal sex, let’s talk about how to have anal sex that gives your toe-curling orgasms every time.
Communication Is Key
Before, during, and after anal play, talk to each other about what feels good—and what doesn’t.
Agree on non-verbal signals or safe words. These are essential when you’re engaging in erotic roleplay.
At Arya, we love using the traffic light system:
Green: Hell yeah, let’s keep going–this feels amazing!
Yellow: Let’s slow down or pause for a moment.
Red: I need to stop—this doesn’t feel right.
Choose the Right Lube
When it comes to anal play, the slicker, the better!
We’re serious—there’s no such thing as too much lube.
Your anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina does, so it needs extra moisture. A high-quality, long-lasting lube will be your best friend here.
While water-based lubes are often many people’s go-to lubes for sex, when it comes to anal, you may want to opt for a silicone-based lube like Mochi Melt Silicone or a hybrid lube like Hello Cake Tush Cush.
Silicone lubes tend to stay slick for longer, so you can play without having to pause and re-apply more. And re-apply. And re-apply.
If you’re not using latex condoms, you may also opt for an oil-based lube for anal play. However, oil tends to break down latex, so stay away from it if using latex condoms.
Warm Up Beforehand
Think of anal penetration as a big performance—your body needs a solid warm-up to be stage-ready.
Start with gentle external touches around the perineum (the area between the anus and the genitals) and the cheeks. Give your partner a full booty massage.
Then, slowly move into rimming or stimulation using a finger or a toy outside before slowly venturing deeper.
Give your partner an orgasm (or a few) before you penetrate them—this will help all the muscles relax and make anal penetration even more pleasurable.
Best Anal Sex Positions
Not all positions are created equal when it comes to anal play.
Here are a few tried-and-true favorites:
The Spoon: Both partners lie down on the side, with one person behind the other. The receiving partner can bring their top left to their chest for easier access.
Missionary Visionary: The receiving partner is on their back with their legs pulled up to their chest or resting on the penetrating partner’s chest or shoulders. Offers a deep angle.
The Doggy: Oldie but a goodie, this classic anal sex position has the receiving partner on all fours, and the penetrating partner kneels behind them. The receiving partner has access to their clit or a penis here for added stimulation.
The Cowgirl: The penetrating partner is on their back, and the receiving partner is the one in control, straddling their hips facing them or away from them (Reverse Cowgirl). It gives the receiving partner control over speed, depth, and angle.
Play around to find a position that works best for you!
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
Rushing is the enemy of pleasurable anal sex.
If you feel uncomfortable, pause and breathe. Adjust and change the position and angle, or add more lube.
Engage in more foreplay if needed, and make sure you’re in tune with your body and your partner’s.
Start with shallow penetration and slowly build up to deeper strokes. This principle holds true for everything—from fingering to using toys to full penetrative anal intercourse.
Incorporate the Toys
Sex toys can be a great way to elevate your anal experience.
When choosing a sex toy for anal play, make sure it has a flared base to prevent the toy from slipping too far inside.
Nobody wants an unexpected ER visit in the middle of the night.
You can choose from basic anal plugs, anal hooks, vibrating butt plugs, vibrating prostate massagers—there’s so much to choose from!
Don’t be afraid to experiment and get creative–just make sure you’re using the best quality body-safe materials.
Not sure what sex toy is the best for you? Check out our guide to the best sex toys for women.
Is Anal Sex Safe?
Safety is key to all sexual activities, anal sex included. If you’ve never dipped your toes into anal play, it’s normal to wonder, “Is anal sex safe?”
In short: yes, anal sex is safe. As long as you’re playing responsibly.
Anal Sex Safety Tips
To ensure every anal play session is pleasurable and safe, keep these things in mind:
Be wary of bacteria: If you’re using multiple toys and alternate between anal and vaginal penetration, you may want to consider using a barrier method to avoid transferring bacteria from the anus to the vagina, which may throw off sensitive vaginal microflora. Alternative: don’t use the same toy vaginally and anally in the same session or clean up between switching.
Use protection: Anal tissue is delicate and susceptible to tearing, which can increase the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you engage in anal play with someone whose sexual history you don’t know, use a barrier method.
Lubricate properly: Anuses don’t lubricate naturally, which means you need lube—lots and lots of it! Be generous when applying lube, and always re-apply more to ensure things remain wet and slippery down there.
Gentle entry and movements: Abrupt or forceful penetration can lead to discomfort, anal tissue tearing, and discomfort. Make sure you’re using lube, go slow, and pay close attention to your partner’s cues.
Understand your body: Some pressure or slight discomfort at the beginning can be normal if you’re new to anal play. But sharp, intense shooting pain is your cue to back off and slow down. Never push through pain!
Engage in aftercare: After play, use a warm, wet towel or a wet wipe to gently clean up the area. Check-in with your partner, physically and emotionally. Cuddle, talk, take a shower together, or have a snack–spending time after an intense sexual experience can be transformational for your relationship.
Is Anal Sex Painful?
No, anal sex doesn’t have to be painful! It’s honestly an outdated myth that needs to go.
While initial discomfort can be normal if you’re a newbie and just getting used to all the different sensations, anal sex shouldn’t hurt.
If you do experience pain, it means that you may be going too hard, too fast, you’re not relaxed properly, or aren’t lubricated enough.
Slow down, pause or stop if needed, talk with your partner, and try again–this time slower and with more lube.
And even if you’re an anal sex pro—you may experience pain occasionally if you skipped your usual amount of foreplay, didn’t use enough lube, or you’re simply constipated (and need to skip on anal for the moment).
Can You Get Pregnant from Anal Sex?
You’d be surprised how many people ask this question!
The quick answer is: no, you can’t get pregnant from anal sex.
However, if the semen gets from the anus into the vagina (for example: if you switch between anal and vaginal penetration without proper cleanup or let the cum drip from the anus into the vagina), there may be a slight chance of pregnancy.
Condoms will almost always help if you’re trying to prevent pregnancies.
Do Women Like Anal Sex?
Ah, the big question: “Do women like anal sex?”
Well, it depends.
What types of sexual activities people enjoy varies from person to person, and gender may not matter.
Some women absolutely adore anal sex and even prefer it over vaginal intercourse or other sexual activities. While others may hate anal sex and want nothing to do with it.
Everyone has different sexual preferences.
The key to pleasurable anal sex exploration is consent and communication. So, if you’re unsure whether your partner will enjoy anal sex or wants to try it—ask!
Let Arya guide you — Bloom
Feeling curious to try anal play but are intimidated by the idea of tackling this on your own? Let Arya guide you on this new and exciting journey.
Trying something new in the bedroom can be a daunting task, and Arya does all the work for you.
The only thing you need to do is get your partner, relax, and enjoy an endless night of fun!
Arya’s Scene Bloom is designed by our team of experts to introduce couples to anal play, no matter your experience level. With this Scene, you can expect:
Inspiration: You’ll receive a selection of curated erotic fantasy stories that all feature different ways to explore anal sex with your partner.
Expert-selected items: Our team has scoured the whole world for the best products to make your anal play experience truly mind-blowing. And all are delivered in a discreet box right to your doorstep.
Guidance: Arya Concierge is always at the tip of your fingertips—you’ll receive plenty of guidance, tips and tricks, and the best techniques to help you enjoy anal play with your partner.
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This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
About Arya
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