The Beginner's Guide to Shibari, Japanese Bondage Practice
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
The internet is full of aesthetic, erotic images and videos of people tied in ropes suspended in the air. It looks cool and sexy. Maybe you’ve imagined yourself as the one tying the knots or even allowing someone else to tie you up. We sure have! And so have many other kinksters.
When researchers surveyed over 800 BDSM practitioners about their favorite erotic activities, rope bondage, breath play, and impact were at the top of the list.
We definitely understand the appeal of rope bondage; it’s visually erotic and can be a great way to spice up the bedroom routine and connect to your partner. So, if you’re thinking about trying it the next time the kids are at the grandparents, here’s what you need to know about shibari.
What Is Shibari?
Shibari, sometimes referred to as Kinbaku, is an erotic art of Japanese rope bondage. “It’s a style of consensual BDSM play that comes out of Japan, firmly rooted in the adult entertainment and image-making industry of the early 20th century to today,” explains sexologist, BDSM educator, author of “Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” and ForteFemme founder, Midori.
“Shibari translates to "binding" in Japanese, but it goes far beyond just tying someone up,” says board-certified sexologist and educator Lilith Foxx. For some, it’s a visually appealing art form, while for others, it can be a wonderful way to relinquish control and allow themselves to surrender.
Shibari vs. Bondage
Bondage involves restraining or getting restrained in various ways, from holding your partner's wrists in your hands during missionary to using fuzzy cuffs or intricate harnesses that restrain the ankles and wrists. “Bondage is a large umbrella term referring to any sort of erotic play that centers on limitation or control of mobility,” says Midori. It’s one of the many forms of bondage that uses Japanese-style rope.
The inspiration for both bondage as a whole and shibari can be found in our history. “Every culture finds its muse of sexual transgression in dark moments of its history,” says Midori. In the Western world, popular bondage tools were inspired by Medieval metal or leather shackles and other incarceration tools, whereas in Japan, it was more common to use rope and bamboo for the same purposes.
Why Try Shibari?
There are many benefits to couples who try shibari. “Shibari can be an incredible way for couples to deepen their connection, even if they’re brand new to kink,” says Foxx. It involves fostering trust, open communication, and partners being vulnerable with each other.
While you might not consider any BDSM to be a mindful practice, shibari can definitely create a space for couples to be more mindful together. “Both partners must be fully present, paying close attention to each other's responses and communicating throughout the process,” says Foxx. Being fully present can have a deeply relaxing effect and make the experience that much more pleasurable.
“Moreover, shibari encourages vulnerability and surrender, which can be incredibly freeing,” Foxx adds. Many people experience the need to always be in control of every aspect of their lives. For those people, learning how to surrender and let go in a consensual and safe environment can be a very liberating experience.
Also, we can’t forget the novelty factor. Trying shibari with your partner can be a way to introduce new erotic practices into your bedroom to rekindle the flame and deepen your desire and intimacy.
Shibari 101 for Beginners at Home
Have we convinced you to dip your toes into kink and try shibari at home with your partner? If the answer is yes, here are the key things to know before you begin:
Communication
“First and foremost, communication is critical,” says Foxx. Before you engage in any sort of rope play, always start with a discussion way before the act. Preferably outside the bedroom, without any pressure to engage in something you might not be ready for if you’re new to kink.
Communication is key to an exciting, intimate, and pleasurable experience, even for more seasoned players. “You can’t just tie a person up and expect erotic magic and intimacy to happen. Talking about what each person wants to do, how they want to feel, what they don’t like, and how they want to proceed is central to kink and bondage games,” says Midori.
Roles
While you can play around with shibari without taking on specific roles, it can be fun to experiment with the traditional submissive/Dominant dynamic. Shibari offers two roles:
Rope Top or Rigger: The person doing the tying.
Rope Bottom or Rope Bonny: The person being tied.
Either of the roles can be submissive or Dominant–it’s up to you how you choose to play. You might even want to skip taking on any roles altogether and simply engage in shibari by tying yourself up.
Tools
“Shibari centers on the rope, and the rope can be made of many different materials, such as cotton, synthetics like polyester and nylon, and grass fibers like hemp and jute,” says Midori.
You might want to go with shibari ropes made for erotic play specifically rather than ones from your local hardware store. Arya’s favorite is Shibari Rope from Liebe Seele.
Apart from rope, another tool you will want in your shibari tool arsenal is scissors. “Using safety shears that can cut through rope quickly is a must-have in case you need to get out of a tie fast,” says Foxx.
Safety
Just like with any other kink activity, discussing safety and making sure everyone participating feels safe throughout the whole experience is a must. “Always remember that everyone participating gets to set limits, take breaks, or stop the playtime,” says Midori.
Don’t hesitate to speak about safety before, during, and after play. “Speak up if something feels weird in a bad way like limbs tingling or bad emotion arising,” Midori adds. That’s why we emphasize just how important communication is–it helps create an open and safe space for partners to share.
Also, take things slow, and always be mindful of your and your partner’s body. “Shibari requires knowledge of basic anatomy, especially when it comes to avoiding areas that could cause nerve damage or circulation issues,” says Foxx. Take the time to learn about tying the knots and safe places on the body for restraint.
Let Go of Expectations
Whether it’s your first time or not, it’s important to go into practicing shibari with the right mindset. The key to a pleasurable experience is to enjoy the process and have fun instead of having unrealistic expectations, like thinking you’ll execute a complex suspension knot your first time.
“Shibari does not equate to or require suspension,” says Midori. “There’s been a weird and unrealistic idea going around the internet that suspension is the point of and pinnacle of shibari.”
While suspension definitely looks impressive in porn and on-stage, it’s not something most people should attempt to try at home. “It’s really hard on the body, it’s very technical, requires hands-on training (not just YouTube), accidents and injuries happen (including cumulative long-term effects), and you need special equipment,” says Midori.
You’re much better off going at your own pace with shibari, focusing on what feels good. “This isn’t just about creating beautiful patterns with rope; it’s about building trust, connection, and a deeper understanding of each other,” Foxx adds.
Let Arya Guide You – Knot
“I always recommend beginners start by learning from a reputable source—whether that’s attending a workshop, watching tutorials from trusted educators, or even booking a session with an experienced rigger,” says Foxx.
If you want to try the art of shibari at home but are not sure where to start or how to do it the right way, we have you covered.
Allow Arya to guide you on your journey with shibari–our team of experts designed Knot, a Scene dedicated to exploring the art of shibari for curious couples like you.
Here’s what you can expect from Knot:
Inspiration: You’ll receive a selection of personalized, on-theme short audio fantasy stories and build-your-own adventure-type erotica to help you get inspired to play.
Objects of Desire: Our team of experts hand-select a handful of premium tools that will allow you to explore everything shibari has to offer.
Guidance: Arya concierge is here to help and answer any questions you might have throughout your experience. Plus, you’ll get access to a premium online content library, so you know exactly what to do.
We know that trying new things for the first time can be daunting. That’s why Arya is here to help–don’t let your fear stop you from discovering new and exciting ways to connect with your partner.
Tie the knot and see where it takes you.
Join Arya today.
About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some playtime. Introducing your new bestie, Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer to your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly-guided activities tailored to your deepest desires, and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
